As I watched Iyanla Vanzant speak to Steve, a 48-year-old photographer who spent 20 years of his life using drugs and alcohol, I was mesmerized at one of the final points that she had to say.
Negative stories have become your mantra! Release the old and create a new positive script!
For years, I lived a life full of anger and internal grief. For years, I was screaming more than living. For years, I was trapped….until I let go of my story.
My story has been stated many times in a very subdued manner. There is no need to divulge you with the negative side of my story because negativity brings even more negativity.
The other day, I sat with my son who had many questions about my past. I shared the last letter that I ever received from my brother, who is now deceased. It’s amazing all of the emotions that erupted based on this very nice conversation with my son. Instead of anger, I felt pity for someone for who had so much life in them to live. I felt joy, that God took him from the struggles he could not rid himself of. I felt peace, knowing that even though he caused so much turmoil, his existence proved that our family was always there for one another.
I’ve come to realize that being the youngest in the family, I was the strong one. However, I was never allowed to share my pain. Heaven forbid should a middle-income family have this much chaos in their life!
As I age, I realize that I spent many years blaming and yelling rather than showing my pain. For two years now, I have been an open book. The person that can share their pain without telling the story. The person who forges ahead and tries so hard to find personal success.
However……with that said…..there has to be something I’m missing because even though I have shared my pain, put the story behind me, and work very hard every day for a better tomorrow, I still cannot lose weight and stick to a plan. I would so love to figure out this intricate inconsistency that I’m facing now. The more soul-searching I do, the more lost I feel as I truly believe that there is nothing in my past that I haven’t forgiven.
Is my story, albeit untold, still holding me back? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it that I’m aware of what I’ll become if I achieve my release from addiction?
I will be going to see Oprah on the 16th in Toronto, Ontario. Even though I probably have horrible seats, it is my intention to listen well to the messages provided to me. Hear what’s being said and embrace the opportunity to continue to move forward!