So as you may or may not know…..I haven’t been writing a lot lately.  Well there’s a few reasons behind this.   One being that I am suffering from excruciating lower back pain and hip issues.   Yep, being Fat & Forty is FUN!  I am not much of a pill popper so I rely on getting up when it hurts and sitting down when it hurts a lot.   Then when I get around to saying “I think I should take a pill.”, I end up falling asleep for an hour or two….or three.

Back pain aside (we’re dealing with it) is this thing called Sleep Apnea which the doctors claim that I have.

Back in November 2012, when I celebrated my 40th, I started having memory and sleep issues.  You could find me in bed at anytime sleeping instead of working.  I was diagnosed with sleep apnea which I disputed tooth and nail.  Then they threatened to take my license….I stopped fighting.

It took six months to get a prescription from the doctors…….(yep, real serious condition when I could have taken out a small town in that time behind the wheel according to them)

So this is me now with the CPAP machine!!  (Well it’s not me but a mannequin or a badly photoshopped lady)  You will never (and I mean never) see me with it on.

Sleep Apnea at 40

For those who are overweight like me, take this advice….LOST WEIGHT before you have to go to bed at night and look at your husband in the face with this mask on.   When he tries to talk to you it’s even worse, you end up blowing out a bunch of hot air.

Pros about owning a CPAP Machine

  • I don’t have Alzheimer’s disease like I thought I did.  In fact, I was informed that I stopped breathing over 21 times per hour.  OMG, stopped breathing!!  Relax, we all do, but the norm is 5x per night.  I have always been a person to beat the norm.  I am now down to 1x per night.
  • I don’t have to get a cloth to dust my night table.  Opening my mouth with the sleep machine on provides the right amount of air to clean anything off that table.
  • I can now imitate Darth Vadar’s famous line “I am your father.” perfectly.
  • I probably won’t complain about an oxygen machine in my old age or after surgery anymore.
  • I greatly reduce my risk of heart attack and other diseases related to lack of sleep.  I can actually feel my heart rate decrease as my breathing stabilizes.
  • When the machine is on, nobody wants to talk to you anyway.  PEACE!

Cons about owning a CPAP Machine

  • It’s not the hottest thing to put on when hopping in bed with your husband.  I now go to bed last.
  • Your night table now looks like it should be part of a hospital room with the machine, mask, antiseptic wipes.
  • It’s just another thing to clean and maintain.
  • It’s not the hottest thing to put on when hopping in bed with your husband.  I now go to bed last.

So yes, you will find me awake when my husband’s alarm clock goes off in the AM frantically whipping the mask off.  But on those days where I don’t hear it because I’m having a good sleep, I still here his foots steps approaching where I say (in a Darth Vader’s voice), “Come near me or look at me and I’ll knock your block off.”

Overall, it’s a condition that I have and I am trying to lose weight so I can rid myself of this machine.  My husband says he loves it because I don’t snore anymore.  What does he know?  Women don’t snore!  The dude (not the doctor as he was Spanish and I couldn’t understand a word he said) told me that I would lose weight (A LOT of weight) when I start using the machine……….I’m a little dubious about that because it’s the first time in years where I’m actually hungry.

SO there ya have it.  The reason for my blog writing funk I have been suffering with for over two months now.  I hope this silly post will get Stella’s groove back…..I mean mine…..Damn it I keep forgetting.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Blogging and Social Media is her passion by night, while project management and business development fills her day.

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