So, it’s about time I start sharing more about my life. Enough of this sad story without the comedic side. My ex-husband has made it blatantly clear that he does not want to see me this weekend when he pops into town, and rightfully so, when he’s said it’s over a hundred times in many ways. He also threw out my $500 bike that he solemnly swore to deliver to me this Summer when he came to visit. So to hell with that.
Time to live loud!! Time to move forward.
Let’s be clear on this. I am not looking for Mr. Right as it’s way too soon after a separation. I do not want to get involved exclusively with anyone as that would be nuts, but the following is some experiences I’ve had that are quite comical and downright, “what’s wrong with people these days?”.
Tinder and Online Dating
One night when I was crying my eyes out (this happens often), she, who shall not be named, suggested I get on Tinder. I said I wasn’t ready to date but she said it would just be a good distraction to chat and swipe. So, she set me up.
At first, I thought it was fun. It took my mind off my problems and I could just be silly and stupid. It would give me a giggle. Then I started talking to one person who was very sympathetic to my situation and appeared to have the same exact experience with his ex. He asked if he could call me. Stupidly, I said ok.
This was my very first online dating experience in my life. The phone rang and I answered. He didn’t even let me get a word in edgewise before he says, “I have my d*** in my hand.”
I was like OMFG, are you kidding me. Hang up. Block. Delete. EWWWWWW!!!
Second Tinder Encounter
That was it. I was getting off of Tinder. I went to go and delete it, but I received another message. It was quite comical saying he didn’t know how to do this dating shit anymore, but did I want to go for a drink. Woah, slow down there buddy. I responded that I couldn’t talk and will maybe respond later.
Long story short, we eventually connected and spent over 3 hours on the phone the first night as he isn’t the best typer. It was probably the first time I laughed in ages. This was someone that was totally like me.
He asked to take me to dinner. I hummed and hawed, said I wasn’t ready, but I agreed finally. He was a nice enough guy and I had fun. We developed a friendship. More often than not, he’d cook dinner, have some drinks and listen to country songs and watch the most ridiculous Youtube Channels. He’s also sat there and comforted me as I cried for my ex and the love lost. He’s also taken my wrath during this brutal angry stage I’m going through.
That said though, I caught him in a limbo stage of his life. He may have been separated for many years, but he was still getting dirty with his ex on occasion. I was like WTF? Doesn’t separation mean that you no longer want to be together?
Anyway, long story short, they rekindled their romance again. The texts came in non-stop while I was there. I decided it was best for my conscience to just make space and time away from him. Even though nothing serious was taking place, I felt I was doing an injustice to a stranger and it wasn’t sitting well with me and I’d say it often to him.
The craziest part though is that he still wants me to go over because we get along so well and he enjoys his time with me. I too enjoy my time with him. He’s like, you can sleep over, we can cuddle. I’m like WTF man? I know I’m an amazing person to cuddle with and a blast to hang with when I’m not crying or getting angry, but no. No thank you. One hour of explaining the same thing over and over last night.
I wouldn’t do that to a woman, who expects their lover/husband/ex to be true to her, even if you live apart. If you’re getting jiggy with it, you’re still married even though you are separated. There is no bloody way any woman would be laying alongside my ex if he was still doing the dirty with me. No way!! I’ve been that woman and that’s why I left. She may not value her worth, but I sure do.
I explained my ex was coming this weekend, what he said to me, how it hurt, and that I was getting out of town. He says, well you know that there is always a place for you here. No, thank you.
So there it is, Tinder experience number 2, a big old farce. We did agree to continue to go to an event we have planned later this Summer though.
A Blast from the Past
Sunday, I received a message from an old friend that I met when I was separated the last time 20 years ago. Wow, blast from the past. Over the past twenty years, we have touched base on Facebook. He married, had kids, started a electrical business, got separated, asked my advice, or I’d ask him about my current computer issue.
I’d say in twenty years, we’ve chatted about 10 times over Messenger. It was really nice to hear from him. He reached out to me looking for my services in social media and marketing.
We started talking about life and what happened to me. He was a great support via text. Anyway, he asked if he thought my ex and I would reconcile. Since he loves country music, I sent him this song and said, he’s not this guy in the song. He’s not the guy I bragged up over the last 20 years to him. I’ve waited much too long in dreamland thinking that he want to be with me. He’s just not that guy, and I have to live with that reality.
He said, “I’ve got work for you. But we need to talk first. Let’s do breakfast on Tuesday.”
While I know that this particular person will not be anything besides a really good friend, it made me realize how genuine the conversation was. How much he cared for my well being, because he knew me. He doesn’t have an agenda aside from work. It felt more real than some random dude on Tinder that you doesn’t even know me.
My goal is to get more involved with things I enjoy doing and start new hobbies. Who knows, my next best thing may be in the photo pit at a concert, or at a support group for separated people, or at a dog park.
I’m not open to anything serious at this time, but to run into someone who genuinely wants to be with me (and me exclusively) is something I am starting to look forward to. Since dinner and the night is the hardest part for me, a nice caring companion to fill those hours with chatter and laughter would be nice once in a while.
Tinder is now deleted and I’m off to see my only love right now, Dierks Bentley in SYRACUSE NY this weekend.