After 234 days (give or take), I have decided to let go of my marriage and any possibility of reconciliation. I need to start doing me and focus on my well being and future. I’m happy I’m moving forward. I’ve been diligent on taking my anti-depressants, drinking far less alcohol, and spending time alone which I’m actually enjoying. Tonight, I’m off to a museum exhibit in Toronto called the Museum of Broken Relationships.

Museum of Broken Relationships is a physical and virtual public space created with the sole purpose of treasuring and sharing your heartbreak stories and symbolic possessions. It is a museum about you, about us and about the ways we love and lose. Each object is donated by individuals all over the world and represents a symbolic memento of a past relationship, told through the voice of the owner. I plan of giving this from my previous relationship to the museum curator.

The piece was created at Union Station in Toronto Ontario when I was 17 or 18 years of age on our first couples trip to visit my brother. And Forever it was for me……unfortunately not for him.

Visit to Lawyer

I went to see a lawyer on Tuesday. It was one of my first steps to bring closure and come back to life. She did all the calculations, gave me a number for financials and spousal support, told me to send an email to my ex-husband and then, if he agrees, she can draw up a separation agreement.

I got a curt NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! Another email accusing me of never working again because he’d be supporting me. Ya ok buddy, it’s not like I’ve been eating bon bons for the past 25 years. I’ve worked and worked hard. I will again after I get past this nightmare you created for me. I haven’t communicated since then.

Did he think his single life would be a beach vacation after hurting and throwing away a wife of almost 25 years?

He sees it as revenge. I see it as protecting my financial future. After all, marriage is not only an emotional partnership, but also a financial one too. Never forget that betrayed spouses who are left alone to survive.

The funny thing is when it comes to emotions and mental health, people expect you to suck it up. Move on! Self Care! Forgetta Bout It! All kinds of bullshit you’re not ready to do, until you’re ready to do it.

When it comes to finances, it’s “how dare that betrayed person receive what the Ontario Court of Justice dictates what’s rightfully owing.” Poor ex…..bad betrayed. The tables turn.

What’s Fair is Fair

Now the Ministry of Attorney General does not take into account anything that happened to cause the marital breakup. I think that’s ludicrous and I believe that particular fact should be contested based on the mental anguish and suffering the betrayed has to go through. My situation is based on the fact that I gave up everything up to follow his career in Ottawa. My situation is based on the fact that I’ve applied for over 132 jobs since arriving here. My lawyer and I assume that is because I was an entrepreneur for the past 12 years plus , which is affecting my ability to landing an interview, let alone a job.

That said, I truly believe people need to step back and think about this before anyone judges. To betrayed people reading this, your reasoning may be completely different, but valid. It’s not revenge, it’s getting what’s rightfully deserved. I have seen too many women bullied by the their spouses, they manipulate until they pull on their ex-wife’s heartstrings, and the women end up with nothing. Had we grown apart, I may have been a little more open to negotiation. Heck, I was open to negotiation before he told me to kiss his ass in not so many words.

  • I left my clients and relocated to support my ex-husband’s career.
  • I found out some awful things about him which caused me mental anguish for 7 plus months.
  • For a time, I was very much suicidal. People called every day to see if I was still standing.
  • I see a therapist that costs me $380 a month. I still can’t let her go until I feel confident and self sufficient that I can handle this on my own.
  • My doctor forced me to go for STD testing at 46-years of age. Extremely humiliating experience which I’m glad to say I’m clean.
  • I tried to reconcile, which he was very fortunate to have the opportunity, and was again rejected.
  • I am on anti-depressants and have acted out of character, for a time, by binge drinking to forget.
  • I am now completely alone with no job. I am an ambitious woman, but it’s only now that I’m fully capable to say I can work again at the capacity I did before.
  • If I took a job at Tim Hortons and he paid spousal support, he’d be saying “You can do better than that. You are just milking me!” Can’t win.
  • I am running this ship, involuntary, alone. He had his chance but that ship has sailed.

So I’ve been through hell and back. Now that I’m back and currently residing between heaven and hell. I’m ready to move forward. That said, let anyone judge me for what I need to do for my well being going forward. He made the decision to end it. There is no need to “Poor” anyone.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Blogging and Social Media is her passion by night, while project management and business development fills her day.

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