I have had numerous conversations today and received many messages of love and support. Again, I’m up thinking about life, but I never think about what could have been anymore. I think of what I need to do to put this to bed forever. Closure. It’s a long road ahead.

So we’re going to run with this post based on the numerous thoughts in my head. The first being that I don’t want anyone’s pity. I talked to a friend today and they said to start posting happy thoughts. I responded by agreeing but also saying that there is one person out there, right now, that needs to hear that they are not alone. No one talks, therefore, I am strong. I am getting stronger. I’m a fucking warrior.

So instead of sending pity my way, I want you to think. I want you to stand up for those who are grieving. I want you to give the opportunity to those grieving a voice, numerous times a day if need be. Put THEM on the pedestal because they are healing, grieving, and going through the absolutely worst time of their life.

Social Media is Nuts

When I scroll my timeline on Instagram and Facebook (yes, I admit I’ve become addicted to mindless scrolling), I see derogatory posts about Trump and Trudeau. Slurs about someone being fat, but identifying themselves as thin, therefore they are translender. This is obviously offensive to many who are identify as transgender. Comments and bad karma sent when speaking car jackers, murderers and rapists who physically hurt someone. Never do I ever see any posts about anywho who has emotionally destroyed someone.

Today, a friend posted something about her upcoming divorce. She posted a photo of the paperwork. Anyway, one friend told her ex and he came back with something to make her delete it. Then she deleted the post about deleting that comment. Now this person went through two years of emotional and financial hell on Earth. However, she wasn’t allowed to talk about it. She’s vocal and talks about everything else, but when push comes to shove on the very item that tore her life into threads and put her life back together again, she was shut down completely. We are silenced.

The no-fault divorce in Ontario exonerates the actions of a pig vomit that emotionally destroys someone when they cheat, manipulates and gaslights their spouse. However, heaven forbid that the emotionally destroyed say anything about what happened, how they are processing it all, dealing with it all, and crying every night to get through it all. It makes me sick to be honest how silent we are and how much change we can make in the World if we spoke up and put our scars on display.

My Conversations Today

I have a few acquaintances who I touch base with on their mental health and progress because of infidelity, cheating and manipulating.

I have one friend in a very similar situation as myself. She currently came off her meds, after over a year dealing with depression and anxiety, due to her former spouse and his pig vomit actions. The reminders of everything came rushing back out of nowhere. The tears and anxiety was like it was fresh. She’s paralyzed. I get you girl! I’m there too when it comes to work, exercise, and just about everything else aside from getting my voice out there standing up for you and I.

I have another friend who is in the very early stages of separation. She is currently looking into therapy which is AWESOME. I highly recommend therapy because I don’t think I’d be where I am now without it. Poor man doesn’t understand why she’s taking it so far. Makes her feel like it’s her fault. Really? How does sticking your dick in someone else’s vagina make it her fault? Maybe he’s suppressing stuff from the past, but that doesn’t give him the right to decide that it was OK to hurt her by being adulterous OR blame her after the fact when she’s taking a stand.

No wonder I don’t sleep at night. I’m thinking about myself and all those poor spouses (men and woman) who are grieving as hard as I am.

Advice to the Adulterous

I know in my case it’s been a series of whoopings behind the knees for me. As far back as January, when I didn’t leave yet, he told his boss that I stole all of the money. (Which wasn’t true and I made him retract and CC: me on the email). Then, there was the truck which he had to purchase (no he didn’t) . I was assured that it was just newer, but BASIC. Someone signed my name on the ownership to make the trade and I only was told this after the fact. Today, I realized the 1500 had a nice little symbol on the back. A symbol that indicates that it’s MUCH MORE THAN BASIC. Anyway, I won’t go into it all as I’ve recanted it repeatedly in other blog posts and I’m tired of even remembering all the things he’s done to me.

Initially, I said I was going to seek a lawyer to get the bare minimum of what I thought was right. Pension and TFSA. That was like in February when I felt love and hope that this man would realize what he was losing. I was going to give him a little break and allow him to live. However, the more he showed that he didn’t care, wasn’t remorseful and with the more therapy I had, I realized that I deserved what was FAIR, because this form of continuous emotional gaslighting and abuse wasn’t right at all.

So my advice to those who commit adultery. First, don’t fucking do it. Leave the marriage first instead of destroying someone where they end up spending thousands on pills and therapy. If you do screw around on your spouse, own up to your actions, don’t lie, check in on them regarding their mental health that you destroyed, be humble, don’t play games, don’t gaslight, don’t flaunt your new lover and pay for your spouse’s therapy. It’s not a lot to ask for in my opinion. After all you had your cake and ate it too, possibly for a very long time. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, you’ll come out further ahead.

I am beat now and I have a big day tomorrow. I will check for grammatical and spelling tomorrow. Til next time folks! May your dreams be sweet and your future sweeter without them.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Blogging and Social Media is her passion by night, while project management and business development fills her day.

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