I’ve been struggling to find my niche in life.

I will not give up on finding the right niche of my authentic self.  It’s there but I have to leap over the hurdles.

I was a fantastic runner in my skinny days.  Short legs and focus enabled me to reach the finish line in optimal time.  One year, I took a chance and did hurdles.  My first race, I was stupefied that the hurdle was higher than what I had practiced.  I lost the race, but afterwards, determined to conquer them, I returned to the hurdles only to try to leap over them on my own time.  I did not conquer them that day, but after much practice, I managed to get over them.

Well I’ve had a very exciting and mentally draining few days.  So much so that I slept over 12 hours last night!  Which I think does a person good from time to time.

As I sit here, while my family sleeps, I have a few precious moments to evaluate exactly why dreadful, but not earth shattering, things are happening to me all of a sudden.

I received a letter from Rossana Wyatt explaining that I wasn’t chosen as speaker for the 140 Ontario Conference.  I wasn’t surprise, nor was I disappointed.   I’ve had much greater disappointments over the past few weeks.  However, it gave me an opportunity to stand back and question “Why not Me?”

Well first and foremost, I am not the norm.  I’m not the typical person who gravitates towards the popular vote, nor do I gravitate to people who may be of value to my personal growth. It’s kind of a bad move on my part as people should really take advantage of the power of other’s from time to time.

I do not socialize with the coordinators of this conference, albeit, I do have high respect for many of the speakers involved.

I care too much.  I care about everything and everyone so much that my whole focus is on making things right for those things that I care about.  Hell, I took a day off on Thursday and it was spent in a park making sure that billboards around Cambridge and Kitchener were properly placed and the design was just perfect for the client.

Yesterday, despite my better judgement, I zoomed over to a dance studio because their SEO went down.  I realize that it wasn’t in the budget, nor did I charge my time to them.  I know I’ll probably be in a little shit for doing this.

All in all though, by helping, I get this extreme feeling of satisfaction.  When I’m doing without helping, I do not feel I’m serving my calling.  Administrative work just doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  Managing a project and it being a futile effort (telemarketing, outdated advertising etc) enrages me to no end.

I’ve really got to get my business going, but then again, I’ve got to learn how to charge instead of giving charitable services as well.  I just enjoy doing it.

Ah, one of these days these queries to write about specific events will pan out.  I have no doubt in my mind.  Right now, I’m in a lull.  A lonely, sad lull.

For those who are feeling the same as myself (I know there’s plenty), have faith. Never ever give up.  Most importantly, not matter how many “no’s” you receive, those who reject you are no better, nor any worse, than you are.  It’s just not your niche!  Try a different event.

Things will change!  Have a happy Saturday!

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