Do you ever feel that the wheels are spinning from under you while you just want to go full speed ahead?
Today I was refused a media pass for the Juno Awards. While I expected this, I still felt a tinge of disappointment inside. I asked myself whether my higher than the sky goals are realistic. As a blogger, should I stick to the typical promotion and reviews that I see time and again and be happy with that? Then it hits me, my voice harping at my kids….”There is nothing in this world that you can’t accomplish without a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and disappointments along the way. Just never ever give up!”
Then of course, there’s my on again, off again relationship with my addictions. I am also feeling that they are the winner and I am the loser. Weight…oh bother I’ve gained so much since November. I’m petrified to death that tomorrow is going to literally kill me. Tomorrow, I start personal training, but I’m asking myself, should I have made one more trip to the doctor just to make sure? I’m acting like a weenie I know! I went for a fitness test and failed miserably. The trainer did have a laugh when I stated “I want to be far enough away from the skinny asses please?” Talk about panic attack when I feel I’m being laughed at for trying.
So at the end of the day, my frustration lies by not wanting to give up on my big dreams and freedom of addiction. It’s more exhausting than actually giving up on it. Sure, I could get rid of the blog, eat some Pringles and become a couch potato, but I don’t want to! The dream is what I have in mind and the dream is what I’ll get…..someday.