You’ve often heard a friend or a co-worker say, “If I only I could be them.” That rich or skinny, or healthy, or self-confident person that we aspire to be.  Thankfully enough, we are not them.  Being them probably comes with its own share of troubles and mishaps.  Why carry two burdens when we can simply carry our own?

So here I am today.  In a position where I’ve never quite been in before.  I have probably 6-7 anxiety attacks by noon.   By early afternoon, I take on my family’s burdens as they struggle to grow up, find themselves, and sometimes come home in a horrible mood.  By night, I’m searching and begging God for that one silver lining to make life a little easier on our family.

Recently I was told that my husband is my rock. It is so true. If he comes home angry, my night is shot.  If he comes home encouraging, my night goes on.

Eckhart Tolle tweeted me the other day…….where the hell it went to is beyond me.  I guess I’m no longer in the now, therefore, it is gone.

He basically said, that if there is no immediate emergency now.  Then there is no need to focus on it.  (Or something like that at a much higher intellectual level)

My weight has always been an issue.  Money has been a close second.  However, in regards to a career and income, I’ve never had an issue ever before.  The people that I work with and serviced as clients have always applauded my ability to get things done in a highly creative fashion.  I don’t stop until the job is complete.  I’m the girl who will read a textbook from beginning to end to figure it out.

Since my return to Ontario after living in small town Quebec, I have mingled with celebrities without so much of a stutter, I’ve learned to eat properly with a table full of utensils, I’ve mastered the skill of knowing the value of a product or service, and I’ve learned to never accept second best when what one really wants is the best.

These days there are so many organizations clamoring at my door for free advertising because I’m one of those few people who has achieved minimal success with my blog.  When I was pulling in a great income, I was like “SURE bring it on”.  Now that my income is hanging over my head like a leper, I think “Are you f***ing kidding me multi-million dollar company?”

I’ve refrained from Twitter because there are just too many people who have suffered from positive thinking overdose.  Life is tough.  Sometimes you just have to say, today SUCKS!  The trick is to keep calm and carry on.  That my friend, is a hard thing to accomplish some days (that’s why I have it in my purse to remind me to do so).

All in all though, I think there is a silver lining to all of this mayhem that I’m dealing with right now.  It’s all about making it work.  I have always made it work for everyone else, but when it comes to me, I’ve always just ran with the punches, while giving my creativity and skills away for a dime.  I never had to worry where my next dollar was coming from because I’ve always been on someone’s clock.

So here I stand.  An entrepreneur, who is trying to deflate the elephant in the room with affluent people, admitting that I have never been poorer in my life in order to follow a path.  A path that is saying “Do it your way, Trina and you will succeed.”   It’s exhilarating and frightening all at the same time…………it is what it is right NOW.  Thank you Mr. Tolle for that tweet (that you deleted and I can’t reference)

I’ve come this far….why stop now?

Now here’s my ego popping in for a brief moment……..can someone up there please bring that next silver lining please?  I really have to pay my bills.

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