2025 was a hard year for many. For myself, nothing compares to 2019, but albeit this year was filled with life lessons and financial hardships.
Lesson 1: Know Your Value
My value was never something I needed to earn, negotiate, or prove. I spent years acting like it was something I needed to earn. I used achievement, productivity, and external approval as substitutes for self worth, and it never held. What finally shifted was realizing that validation has to come from me. I stopped comparing my path to other people’s timelines. As a result, I got clear on my own values: honesty, integrity, creativity, and self-respect. My decisions became cleaner. My confidence grew quieter but stronger. Alignment did not come from trying harder. It came from finally believing I was already enough.
From there, everything changed in practice. Boundaries stopped feeling harsh and started feeling necessary. Self compassion replaced self punishment, which made growth sustainable instead of exhausting. I learned to communicate my worth clearly. Whether that meant asking for a fair relationship, mutual effort, or basic respect, I backed it up with action. I put my time, attention, and emotional energy where I value the most. People respond to the standard I set. I am not here to be convenient or tolerated. I am here to be respected, prioritized, and at peace.
Lesson 2: I Dodged a Bomb in 2025
This year made it painfully clear that I dodged a bomb. Watching my ex continue to monitor my social media while actively courting his ex led to a realization. It was a reckoning I could not ignore. If he is doing that openly, I have to question what was happening behind my back. I was with him nearly all the time, yet the patterns point to divided attention and constant validation seeking. The problem was being in a dynamic where I had to audit someone’s integrity. That should never be the cost of being with someone.
It was one of the most expensive relationships of my life, financially and emotionally. I invested in redoing his home. I paid for most of our trips. I carried the weight under the guise of generosity and partnership. In hindsight, it was a one sided investment with no real return. However, it taught me more about narcissism, emotional abuse, trust, and boundaries than any book ever could. Walking away was not a loss. It was risk mitigation. I left with clearer standards, stronger boundaries, and the understanding that real partnership requires mutual investment, transparency, and consistency. I also learned that someone who is emotionally disconnected will tolerate abuse. You can stand up for them and offer protection. Yet, if they are unwilling to choose themselves, they harm their own well-being.
Lesson 3: The Best Things in Life Are Free
Some of the most meaningful moments this year cost nothing. Getting outside. Walking. Meeting people. Letting my mind wander without distraction. I spent time searching for snowy owls and while I only saw one, that was never the point. The point was the quiet. The space to think, reflect, and get to know myself again without noise or pressure. Peace does not always arrive loudly. Sometimes it meets you on a cold walk with no agenda.
Lesson 4: If You’re in a Situation, Take Action
Staying stuck is rarely about a lack of options. It is almost always about fear. I have a terrible landlord and I am finally leaving and moving to Port Franks. I am genuinely excited. That decision came from being honest about how much peace I was sacrificing by staying. A quote stayed with me this year: Why are you trapped in a jail when the doors are wide open? Action creates momentum. Waiting quietly drains it.
If your heart is not happy, those are signals. If you keep retreating to the past for comfort, those are signals. If you are eating yourself into contentment, those are signals. Listen to them. Take action. There is nothing in this world more important than your peace.
Lesson 5: Defensiveness Is Data
When people get defensive after being called out, that reaction is information. Not about you, but about them. Accountability does not need theatrics, outrage, or victimhood. People who are operating in good faith may feel uncomfortable, but they stay present. They listen. They adjust. Defensiveness can be a reflex. This happens when a narrative is threatened. It also occurs when the truth gets too close to something they are avoiding.
This was the moment I stopped explaining myself. Over explaining is an attempt to manage someone else’s discomfort, and it rarely leads to accountability. So I started watching instead. Patterns. Follow through. Behaviour over time. Silence became more instructive than arguments ever were. Observation gave me clarity, and clarity made boundaries easier to hold.
Lesson 6: Try Something New
I started a podcast. I started making things with a Cricut. No grand plan. No endgame. Just growth. It was therapeutic in ways I did not expect. Creation has a way of reminding you who you are.
Lesson 7: Remember Who Held You Up
The people who showed up when things were heavy are not forgettable. They matter. I hold them close. And I stay open to new friendships too. Both can be true.
Lesson 8: Self Abandonment Is Quiet Until It Isn’t
It starts small. A compromise here. A swallowed need there. In 2025, that looked like me telling myself I could tolerate a little more discomfort. A little more inconvenience. A little more emotional labour than I should have. I stayed quiet to keep things smooth. I minimized my needs to avoid conflict. None of it felt dramatic in the moment. It felt practical. Reasonable. Temporary.
Then one day it was loud. My body was tense. My patience was thin. My peace was gone. That was the wake up call. Self abandonment never announces itself at the start, but it always collects interest. This year taught me to stop ignoring myself sooner, to treat discomfort as information, and to respond before the cost becomes unavoidable.
Lesson 9: Actions Are the Only Currency
In 2025, I watched this play out in real time. I heard the right words. Promises of effort, consistency, and change. Reassurances that things would be different moving forward. None of it was hostile. None of it was loud. But the behaviour never shifted. The same patterns repeated, the same gaps showed up, and the same responsibilities quietly landed back on me. The words sounded good. They just were not backed by anything.
That was the moment it clicked. Words are cheap. Behaviour is not. If action does not follow, nothing was actually said. I stopped listening to intentions and started measuring consistency. That single shift removed confusion, ended debates, and made my decisions much cleaner.
Lesson 10: Connection Does Not Mean Compatibility
This applies everywhere. Love. Friendship. Business. You can care deeply and still be misaligned. History does not override reality. Choosing alignment over attachment is not cold. It is honest.
These lessons were not easy. But they were necessary. And I am done relearning them.
