When I Look at Tara McDonald’s World, Mine is so much Easier to Handle.

Well this week I have been somewhat melancholy. I’ve thought about next steps, did my job as I am supposed to do, and watched the children enjoy their March Break from afar this year. It has been years, prior to 2004 as previously documented, since I haven’t been home for March Break. It was just one of those weeks that I took off. I really missed it and I suppose that’s why I’ve been somewhat living in a trance.

Another reason is that spring has sprung and I have this yearly experience of severe depression coming around the corner. Actually, I am under the impression that it came earlier this year and with the guidance of my soul coach, I have been able to push the black cloud away several times. I’m hoping that my logic is correct.

So in light of the black cloud trying to roll into my head, I decided to take the bull by the horns and purchase a web domain and create my profile. Profile for what? Well at this point, I’m saying who knows…..but they always say if you don’t make a change, it’ll always stay the same. I also have made an appointment for a yearly physical which normally only takes place once in five years. Just anything to take care of me and my well being. I’m still debating on the gym membership because of finances.

On Friday, I was feeling rather elated because of all of the house cleaning I accomplished when I was quiet frankly kicked in the guts with a comment that I read on a Facebook Status….

“I’ve always thought that spitting in a person’s face is the most ultimate disgusting thing you could do to someone you dislike. Did you all know I was sleeping when Tori went missing, and I sold her to drug dealers for drugs???? And that I’m a homewrecker who is only going after a man for the sole purpose that he has 2 daughters and mine is dead???? Class act my friends….that’s what she is…..”

I began to realize that my black cloud is nothing compared to this poor mother. The death of her daughter wasn’t enough but to have so many people judging her without proof of guilt is just appalling. I just couldn’t imagine how many times this woman has been kicked to the ground as she has been trying to get up.

The black cloud came again and I reread her status a few times this weekend only to walk away thankful that I only had finances and teenagers to worry about. I could still kiss them, hug them and tell them that I love them. I could downsize and move into an apartment…I’d still have my children.

I didn’t have to go to bed at night thinking about the court case and how I would hear how my daughter died in the hand’s of a stranger…..wanting so much to seek revenge on behalf of my daughter. Wanting for time to rewind back to the day that my daughter went missing.

Do I think Tara McDonald should be spending time on Facebook? NO

However, I believe that while it is torturous for Tara McDonald to seek solace on Facebook (probably the harshest venue on the face of this earth), she has many people who she can now call friends. Some of these people who have stood by her has been incredible.

I have commented on various items, however, I don’t think it’s my place to be stuck in her face and looking at her as a celebrity as some people do. A smile and a vote of confidence from time to time is more my style.

In my eyes, she is a lost soul but one hell of a strong lady seeing what she has went through over the past year. I ask myself, since I spend so much time on Facebook…would I be the same as Tara? Most likely…I would want to know everything, be my own sleuth, and take the insults as they came. Speak up for the daughter who can’t.

So I keep steadfast in my promise to myself that when I want to write “Life sucks” or a derivative of it, I will think of Tara and know that there is a mother out there that is going through far worse than me. There is a mother out there that has yet to meet her daughter’s killers and listen to the tale of what happened to her precious child on April 8th, 2009.

No black cloud of depression could ever compare to the black cloud of this reality and despair.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Swinging single on the branch of life. She loves concert photography, hanging out with her single and married besties, and cooking. Stay tuned!

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