I have spent a ridiculous amount of hours crying on the shoulder’s of my friends. I know they are getting so tired of seeing me stuck. I know my parents and kids are too. There comes a point for tough love and boy oh boy, I got it yesterday.

Life After Separation

When you are the ‘victim’, life as you once knew is over. Gone is the happy go lucky “free and easy down the road I go” person that your friends knew. You may turn into a completely different person. If you allow it, you can turn yourself into a recluse who is just so down that no one wants to be around you anymore. I am becoming that person because I loved so hard and was disappointed so greatly by the only person I committed my life to.

Sharon and my daughter gave me some tough love yesterday, as I cried on their shoulders after an altercation with my ex. It’s time to focus on me.

“He doesn’t love you.” Ouch
“He just cares about himself right now.” Ouch
“How can you possibly think of him after all that he’s done to you? What do you want Trina?” Ouch
“He’s moved on” Ouch
“People will not want to be around you if you keep being so down all of the time.” Ouch

I used to sing this song to my daughter when she was down. I think she still hates me for it. But that said, now it’s time I sing this to myself. I do have so much to be grateful for and it’s time I start focusing on me rather than focusing on the past, what happened, and most of all, his refusal to try. His refusal to try to work on a marriage he tore apart is the clincher in my mind. Everything else could have been forgiven with time and therapy. It’s time to let go and let live.

Friends to the End

I’m so grateful for my friends Sharon and Julie. They are my rock. They are my voice of reason. They stuck with me during this horrible ordeal. They are the ones I have to thank for everything in my life right now. They are my anchors.

So today when Sharon wrote me saying that she’s happy I wasn’t mad at her, I told her that she was right. I was frustrated with her during her journey of separation and divorce. Why was I frustrated? Because I wanted to see the happy go lucky and loving Sharon I once knew. I know by giving tough love to me yesterday, she is no different.

I said to her, “You aren’t ***insert ex-husband’s name***. You won’t hurt me.”

She responded, “Who the fuck is ***insert ex-husbands name***?

I sent her this song below. Goyte’s ‘Somebody that I Used to Know.

She said, “same as ***insert her ex-husband’s name***.

We laughed and promised to be friends forever. Keep your friends close. You never know when they will become your anchor to keep you sane through the hard times.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Blogging and Social Media is her passion by night, while project management and business development fills her day.

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