I believe I was considered Superman most of my life. Not that I was a super woman, as I have faults, but I solved every problem for everyone around me.
Need Underwear? No worries, I got it.
Need a shoulder to lean on? No worries, I’m here
Need to scream at someone even though it’s not my fault? No problem, punch away.
Need someone to feel guilty and pity you? Hey you! I’m over here!
One positive that came out of being horribly treated, due to infidelity and deceit, is my ability to look at everyone as individuals with their own accountability. I am allowed to choose who I want in my life. I am allowed to have my own voice without worrying what people think of me. I am allowed to let people lay in their shit and roll in it. No one needs me to save themselves. I have to save myself. I was always allowed to do those things, I just didn’t.
The Sweetest Ah-ha Moments are the Unexpected Ones
This week has been a whirlwind of ah-ha moments. This week, I told someone who wasn’t good in my life to go. Just go, with not a minute of thought or regret.
I explained to my daughter that, since the negotiations are being stalled by her father, she’s on her own saving herself as I am. Why should I harbour the guilt of the reality of the situation. NEVER ever have I said that to her. I don’t feel guilty. It just another trainwreck in a series of trainwrecks that myself and my kids are facing due to his poor decisions.
I explained to my ex-spouse that, in spite of his “low end” offer, I kindly refuse and choose sink as I fight for a reasonable and fair resolution.
I continued to blog so others can find peace and solace knowing that they are not going through their situation alone.
I am a 46 year old single woman turning 47 on Sunday. I was horribly deceived, abandoned and treated poorly by my ex-spouse during my 46th year. It’s been a year that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
I have learned the power of NO. This is not acceptable. I have learned that no matter what the objectification of woman is not acceptable, whether it’s your husband, your father or a friend. It’s just plain wrong.
I have learned that there are men and women out there that have done some horrible things, but they chose to put their family first. For this reason, I have hope that a better human being will come into my life. I have not allowed the small stuff to affect my mental health. I look at money as a source for survival, and not a social status. Having a family is the ultimate win, where those who choose otherwise are the losers.
A hungry stomach, an empty wallet and a broken heart can teach you the best lessons in life.Robin Williams
All that said, I have some amazing friends and family who have stood by me, listened to me cry, dealt with my madness, and gave their wholehearted honest opinions. For that, I thank you. They are the ones who pushed me to keep going and applaud all the things that I’ve accomplished this year. I haven’t accomplished much besides keeping my sanity and staying alive. His actions destroyed me for a very long time, and I still have my moments of mental breakdown. It wasn’t him, but my friends and family, who put up with my bullshit and crying.
I’m looking forward to 47. I’m hoping that I can finally wake up and realize that yes, I’m fabulously single. I hope I can open my heart to love again. I hope that I can rebuild the family bond, even though my kids are striving to make something of themselves. I hope that by November 24, 2020, I can say that I am 100% happier than ever before. I can’t imagine being any happier than I was before D-day, but life is a mystery.
Finally, I hope he is a thing of the past, only to be seen and heard from at two potential weddings. I hope that my disdain, hatred, and contempt for him will subside so I can be happy again. This year has been horrible, but they say I will come out better and stronger. With the plethora of things I’m fighting today, all I really have is hope and my ability to say yes or no to the possibilities that lies ahead.