I have a great deal of admiration for my husband. I mean he can do anything with a smile on his face and an “it’s just a job” attitude. He doesn’t dream big, think big and he can come home and play Fallout 3 (for hours) without a thought or care of where the next day will take him. He’s provided for his family well. He’s happy go lucky and he’s at peace most of the time. As he gets older, he does say that he would like to switch careers as mechanics is wearing him down. Nothing makes him lose sleep at night and that’s a great trait to have.
But then again, I always say that the greatest accomplishments in this world were thought up by a dreamer only to have people like my husband build them.
Unfortunately for my husband, he’s got a wife who’s a dreamer. My dreams are not based on more money, a bigger home and fancy car but that of complete happiness and inner peace. I thank God he tolerates my insane ideas within the household and my sporadic attempts to make it better. He basically says there isn’t a dull moment between my daughter, Christina’s antics and my own.
Yesterday, I had my first breakdown since I started this job. I knew I had enough. I do the job very well and the people who surround me are amazing but like most corporate environments, there’s too much work and not enough man force. Yesterday was a day of rapid organization, consumer complaints, and problem solving. However, there was just too much of it for one person to handle. But I was doing it……..until one person made a peep out of line and that was it…..completely unhinged. Alas, after an hour completely wasted of an emotional meltdown, I succumb to my current environment and kept chugging along. It took more power from within not to walk out than it did in solving the mountain of issues that laid before me. I believe it was the pure will of providing for my family that provided me the power to fight the urge to leave. After that moment, the four by four bars fell around me, as you’d see in the cartoons when they had no way out, but it only makes my dreams of happiness and success stronger.
Today, when I had a discussion with my superiors, I was steadfast and true about my concerns and thoughts. I didn’t candy cover them in fear of being let go. After all, if they were to let me go, it would mean only one thing – our paths are not on the same geographical map. I have so much experience in so many fields that I know what needs to be done to achieve success. However, I am a Lead Coordinator, my thoughts are taken lightly and probably provides a good giggle during management discussions. “She can’t possibly know what needs to be done.” and I’m fine with that train of thought. It’s a management way of thinking that we see in so many organizations.
They ended the conversation basically stating that I was being used by all departments because I do everything so well and I am happy to abide without complaint. I ended the conversation by stating organizations were being used and that the cost/benefit isn’t evitable and at the end of the day workload has increased once again. Agree to disagree and here I am on the road to my demise due to my dreams of happiness and inner peace in my work environment.
Who’s to say I am wrong for not being a “Yes Sir” type of person who walks on pins and needles when management is within a few feet away. I didn’t join the military for that reason, nor, did I work so hard all my life only to end up in this position today without an infinite purpose. I know for certain that this experience has provided me the knowledge to do something greater than I ever have done before. It was a gift of understanding the other side of who I networked with prior to this position. But ARG!!! What the hell is it?
All I know that at the end of the day, no one should have a meltdown because of a work overload. No one should be without a voice. No one should feel insuperior in a decision that ultimately affects them.
So here’s my chance…tomorrow afternoon….I have some thinking to do and decisions to make. Do I speak up and offer my opinion once again or do I let sleeping dogs lie and follow my dreams at the next crossroad.
If we all lived in a world that consisted of people just like my husband…perhaps it would be best. However, there are many dreamers looking to reach the top of their mountain and I am one of them. Who says I can join them?
But my ultimate decision…I’ll let you know the next time I write.