In my last therapy session, we discussed my bad luck. I’ve had a lot in regards to car repairs. However, in November, I was one of those nasty people who got caught for distractive driving. Yes, I was sitting at a stop light and I picked up my phone. I looked to my left and saw a handsome uniformed man getting out of an unmarked SUV. All I did was look at him and say “Damnnnnnn.”

In our conversation yesterday, I told her I was concerned about how quickly certain people were to blame others and circumstances when clearly I was wrong. They wanted to blame everything but me in regards to my unfortunate ticket.

Then I got to thinking about the wrath from people who wanted to blame me. For things that, clearly, I was blindsided about. For the horrible actions thrown at me last year. For the money I spent, the mental illness, and the poverty I’ve experience since November. I explained to her that I am sure that we live in a “pass the buck” world where no one will learn the biblical phrase of “what you reap, you must sow.” We live in a “poor [insert name]” world and our “friends and family” will blame anything to save our loved ones from feeling any responsibility. This is called enabling, and it’s such a bad thing to do if you want to see someone flourish in life.

Yes, I could blame the cop. Yes, I could say that everyone checks their phone at stop light (most do because I’ve been watching since my own d-day). Yes, I could blame the universe for sending me more “bad vibes” in order to show me something for my greater good. However, I’m smarter than that. I’m an adult who had managed people before. I was quite capable of making adult decisions there, I’m quite capable of making adult decisions in my personal life, including not looking at my phone. Therefore, when I picked up that phone behind the wheel, I deserved to receive the $650 fine, the loss of demerit points, the three day suspension and a huge hit to my insurance. I did wrong and I deserve the consequences. That said, I wanted to talk to the prosecutor to try and get something reduced. However, my address was incorrect on the ticket and the court date never made it to me. So, since that happened I have hired one of those ex-coppers to get the file reopened and he can handle this stuff. Another blow to the non-existent wallet of funds that I have.

That said, thankfully, I didn’t hurt anyone. I could have hurt someone had I been driving and texting. Another scenario is that someone could have rear ended me because they were watching the traffic move while I wouldn’t have been. I’m thankful that I just hurt myself and my wallet. Poor me eh? Nope, no poor me here. It is what it is. What I did caused the damage to myself exclusively. I shall reap what I sowed.

Now let’s look at other cases, like Harvey Weinstein’s sentencing of 23 years for sexual assault. This big multi-millionaire caused great harm to women by using his power and ability to manipulate Hollywood women as a producer of film. There wasn’t anyone that could possibly defend his horrendous actions. He also hurt, blindsided and betrayed his wife of 10 years.

Yes, he had a few people stand by him, but, he would reap what he sowed. Yes, he tried to defend his actions due to his past. Yes, he said that he was appalled as he thought these women were his friends. However, these women didn’t see it that way. These women have been scarred for life by his actions. His adult decisions that made them scarred for life. I’m happy his ex-wife has found new love and a new life. She so deserves it. She also deserves every single penny for the pain and suffering that he caused her.

Time is something that money can’t buy. I repeat, no money in this world will bring back time wasted. You can do a lot in ten years. I feel for Weinstein’s wife Georgina Chapman. She lost 10 years of her life loving a man who manipulated and assaulted women for his own pleasure. However, even though she didn’t sow her destiny during that time intentionally, she has reaped the rewards of new love and revitalization of her business with the support of her tribe. She also protected herself with a nice divorce settlement which included property division and spousal support. She believed in her goodness, her value, and her personal ambitions.

I love the Vanity Fair article, that I have included in this post, about the way Georgina Chapman dealt with the aftermath. I read it often to get strength. Even though she’s a gazillionare, the experience was humiliating and horrifying for her. Anything that’s humiliating takes time to heal, which includes anger, sadness and even rage. Sometimes, we seclude ourselves and perhaps make bad decisions. We have been scarred, but we can be redeemed. We reap what we sow. The key is to have an open heart, a healing heart, and growth where we realize our value in the end.

Sometimes we must reap what we sow and pay the price. While other times, what we sow, we reap the rewards. I am so happy and proud of myself that I decided to go to school. I wasn’t getting anywhere with finding work within my field. It’s the field I want to work in but my age throws a wrench into it. It’s my life and I have big plans. I will sow and fight very hard to reap the rewards for my future. Like Georgina and many other women out there, I so deserve it in spite of my faults.

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