When “healing” (I hate that word), after infidelity and divorce, one needs to be very aware that they will have ups and downs depending on ANYTHING. You can wake up and look at a pillow and be triggered. It’s quite possible that triggers are the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. But I have to say, I’m pretty proud of the Woman that I’ve become after my separation and experience.
- I recognize a good situation over a “red flag” situation
Let’s face it, breakups, separation and divorce is a complete and utter mind f***. Some tend to cling on to any opportunities to gain love and acceptance, while others run like it’s the plague. I don’t know, I think my good situations are welcomed, but the “red flag” situations are my choice whether I want to dive into it or not. I believe I dive into red flag situations often though. I recognize them, but I’m still vulnerable almost two years later. I just don’t cling onto it. I’m OK in letting them go as well. The question I ask is what’s the best for me? Is this benefitting my greater good?
- I recognize my value
It took me almost 47 years, but I know that I am an amazing woman. Someone told me that another person doesn’t talk to me because I’m too much to handle. I accepted that as a compliment. I was not offended at all. It made me realize that too much to handle is far more real than those who hide from life, emotions, and morals. People will say a person is “too much” to avoid the truth of why they are too much to handle. And that’s ok. I don’t want them in my life. I’d rather too much to handle people who can share, we can help one another, and have continued friendships.
- I recognize my worth
Sadly, this whole fiasco is going to trial over nickel and dimes. I have people saying “Just accept whatever.” So, I had to accept the infidelity, the lies, the manipulation, and now I should accept whatever too? I have to accept that living in an executive apartment, with a walkability score of 97, is equal to living with parents?
No, it’s gonna cost a fortune, however, I’m a forward thinker and I’ve reached out to all; therapists, friends, the dude who had to stop me from killing myself on January 3rd, 2019, and previous contractors who has worked with me. Everyone is all in because they see my worth too. Heck, I’ve ever reached out to Service Ontario about the registration of the truck issue. No, my dignity, my life, and my future is something that I can’t “settle” for. I settled enough in the past and it’s not happening anymore. It is my considered opinion that lawyers specializing in family law are your best bet to get the fairest settlement possible. Yes, lawyers are lawyers, but you must go in prepared, do the brunt of the work paper wise and be steadfast, in your mind, about your worth.
- Doing something you’ve been putting off is empowering.
School saved me. It’s always been a dream of mine. It was a dream in 2018 and that was my “next life” goal. No kids, no obligations, just me to look after while I started this new life in another city. I am going to work my ass off to provide the best services possible. This will not include wedding photos that I put the money in my pocket. I hate it. I want to do commercial photography, magazine photography, and photo retouching reconstruction. It’s made me realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of by selecting this program. It’s very mathematical and scientific. It’s not just picking up a camera and going “click”.
- Spending time alone is essential
Spending time alone after divorce is difficult. Boy, you meet the dark night of the soul many times by being alone. However, working through it honestly, soberly, and reflectively is the best way to get through the pain, tears, and anger.
- Your kids will always be affected by divorce.
I’ve been a major ass to my kids, especially my daughter, while I was “bat shit” crazy. Another thing is allowing them to mediate in between. That is a hard NO. It’s so hard for everyone. I went through a ton of photos and school memorabilia the other night and they saw us as a unit. The family unit was destroyed and they may feel partly responsible. I am no angel when it comes to my daughter. We will start therapy at the end of the month because it’s important to me to clear the air and restart our relationship no matter what it looks like going forward. I spend money on my own therapy monthly, so it’s as equally important to do the same for my offspring.
- You’ll get nothing out of hurting your ex.
I’ve had anger. Boy, have I experienced anger. But this blog was never to defame him, because all was truth. This blog has been a part of OUR lives for years and this divorce story is no different. My blog gave us a lot of free stuff, put gifts under the tree, enabled us to renovate our bathroom and fireplace, and got us free cars for trips and free hotels to stay in. I write about my life, and I have for over 14 years, and no lawyer can take that away from me. I even have bloggers ready to support me who are local Kitchener too.
The other day, I realized that I didn’t want a photo of his foot, his nose, or his face in my space. I went through every photo and separated them. I could have burned them, but I didn’t. I put them in a big envelope and sent them; no letter, no sentiment included. In a divorce, it’s 50/50 and what’s fair for all, this includes the photos and memories.
- The difference between boys and men is alarming
I never dated. I was hooked up by the time I was 16. So, prior to that, I was with boys. I’ve met a lot of boys too. I had a really nice experience this year. He was kind of a boy in many ways, and ours was a crazy friendship. But, at the end, he showed me what a man does when parting ways. He gave me a gift like no other. He probably doesn’t even realize it, but I think he does because he saw my anxiety and pain last year. I can’t thank him enough because it was a clear ah-ha moment for me. Thank you and I’ll leave it at that. I will now accept men only in my life.
- Divorce can be empowering.
It’s amazing because initially I thought this was the end of my life. It wasn’t. I survived. I have learned what I want in life. I have learned how I want to be treated in my relationships. I have learned that I can do anything I want to do and be free from judgement and ridicule. I have no one that wants to change me. I am ME.
- I am not looking forward to the holidays
I wish COVID wasn’t happening. I’d run away for the week. Holidays are tough. You become almost numb to events your previously loved. Really, I still don’t want to talk about it and that’s ok too. I’m still working on all the levels that divorce brings.