I’ve written a lot about my life, my sadness from divorce, my loss of my parents and life in general. To recap, I lost three significant people who helped me form the person I am today. I want to end 2023 on a positive note and begin 2024 with a renewed outlook on what’s yet to come. Here are some of the personal blessings I’ve experienced within all the storms.
Blessed about Addiction Therapy
- Sober is a good thing. I stopped drinking excessively this year. In total, I’ve had three nights of drinking in over two and half (maybe three months). Even then, I was cautious and careful on consumption. There is nothing better than waking up and not having to question whether you’re too sick from booze or not. I plan on continuing this journey and hope my body will one day thank me.
- Addiction will always be present until one chooses to confront it. I lost someone who I was deeply compatible with. Because of his addiction, my decision to part ways was driven by the need for healthy connections. His addiction and desire for approval exposed me to much ridicule, which caused ongoing pain. Without alcohol, he’s truly wonderful man and I know that he loved me too. It just wasn’t the passionate, forever love that two healthy people experience. In fact, in hindsight, I noticed this week that there wasn’t one photo of him and I together on his Instagram, where I shared so many good times together. I even put his name on my parent’s obituaries. Everyone know how deeply I cared. Sadly, that’s what addiction does. For one, the assumption is that it’s forever and, for the other, the assumption is that it’s forever while I do my own thing. I’m happy that I decided to end our relationship for self-preservation. I am forever grateful for the time and lessons, I hold deep love for him and wish him well on his journey. It’s time I find that person who wants to share our life with the World.
- I’m so very blessed that my marriage ended. I have spent the past five years wondering why I wasn’t enough and spent thousands in therapy trying to figure it out. However, in 2023, I have learned so much about relationships and myself because, he sadly passed away. He wasn’t a very honest, organized or faithful man. To have a partner, you need to have those three qualities to make it work. He also didn’t like me. He didn’t like me the whole 30 years. What a revelation. Remember, like and love are two completely different things.
His passing unveils painful truths, forcing me to guide my children through the sorrow while providing unwavering support. Nights consumed by questioning reveals no answers; addiction is a relentless adversary. Gratitude fills me for averting my own battle with alcoholism and the end of my marriage. The thought of navigating life with him with two elderly parents, who were 100% dependant on me, now seems daunting. Matthew Perry’s book serves as a poignant reminder, drawing chilling parallels between his struggles and the profound sadness of the life we’ve lost.
Blessed About Family Issues
- I had a very public smear campaign against me since 2018. I only found the scope of this smear campaign in 2023. I had a long talk with my daughter last night and explained to her that this reveal was a blessing. I honour my Mother more than ever. I learned a lot about people. I learned to keep my mouth shut with certain people and groups as the term, “Hurt the accuser, support the abuser” is very much a part of the society we surrounded ourselves in. This smear campaign also pushed me to be more observant of people, as well as the term “healthy” that my therapist speaks about often. Healthy people don’t smear others, they are very direct in their needs, they are painfully honest about their life and they have no hesitation in asking for what they want in life. They don’t need people to be healthy and whole as a human being. I want to be that healthy whole person in 2024.
- My parents were my rock. These two people I’ll forever be thankful for, especially the past five years. I miss my Mom’s check-ins. I miss her making me feel guilty for not being home one or two nights. I miss my Dad’s thoughtful way to ensuring there was enough ice and pops for all to enjoy, “Just in case” someone decided to visit. He always had everyone’s favourite “pop”. I am very blessed that they were a part of my life. I’m also very blessed that I can finally live my own life without the worry and fear of my parent’s getting sick, falling, or being alone. Without them and their undying support and love for their children, I wouldn’t have the opportunity for all the possibilities ahead.
Blessed with Peace and Therapy in My Life
- I’m blessed to be alone right now. It’s my first opportunity in my whole life where I decide what I want to do and when. I am fixing up my parent’s place to sell. I have aspirations to do an Eat, Pray, Love journey as I feel I really need this before starting a new life……somewhere. There are times where I get angry and frustrated that I’m pulling the weight all alone. Then I realize, hey you’re pulling the weight alone! Kudos to you. You CAN and WILL do anything.
- I’m blessed for therapy. I’d say this year was significant with my therapist as I’ve finally succumb to looking at myself, my role in my life, and my responsibility to take accountability for the decisions I’ve made to improve, or not improve, my life. I have learned that I am important. I have learned that my fear of being hurt has built a huge wall around me where I self-sabotage often. I have learned that I only have to put up with what I choose to put up with. No more being “nice” to appease others. No more sneaking into tablets to learn more hurtful truths. When people show you who they are, believe them. There is never a need to self sabotage to find out more answers or tolerate other people’s behaviours. I blessed with the realization to not do things that will only hurt you from living the best life you can live. Learning about me has been the best part of 2023!
- I’m blessed to be living. The life I’ve chosen hasn’t been easy. I’m overweight, a previous heavy drinker, a smoker, and I have a love of good food. However, God lets me open my eyes every morning. He allows me to scold myself, love myself and become this person I’m becoming right before your eyes. It’s amazing how with every change I make, every stance I take, I feel more in tune with myself so much more. Healthy is good.
- I’m so blessed for all those unanswered prayers. It can only get better. Cheers to 2024! I hope everyone has an amazing and blessed year ahead.
