My therapist and I did a lot of conversing about writing, and how it helps me get to where I am on a daily basis. Sometimes, it’s three steps forward. Other times, it’s three steps back. At this time, I feel that the walls are all crumbling down again, but for a greater good this time around. She asked if I’m experiencing anxiety that I have no where to live after the house sells. I responded by saying, I jumped into a 30-year relationship, and that went for shit. I jumped into a 2-year relationship, and that went for shit. Why should I be scared or anxious of what’s to come? The best thing about being alone is the responsibility of figuring it out alone. Besides, I have my friends and a lot of beds I can jump from as I figure out where I’m landing in the end.
She gave me some recommendations on YouTube for Complex PTSD. Since I thought I was weird for not feeling anxious, I decided to listen to Therapy in a Nutshell. Today, I focused on anxiety to understand why I feel anxious at times, but more often than not, I don’t. I really enjoyed this video.
What Makes Me Feel Alive
The Feeling of Family
I’m not talking about my immediate family. The feeling of family happens when I’m surrounded by people where it has a family feel. I know I want someone in my life who can be a great “step-in grandparent” to my Grandson and a friend to my children. I want friends where anyone in my immediate family can reach out to. I don’t want any wrenches thrown to ruin an event, name calling, or not allowing people to live their best life. Respect – The feeling of family. No dismissive people allowed – Big emotions only, who can handle the ups and downs of belonging in a family.
I have not done this in ages. I’m quite ticked at myself over this. I am currently reaching for ops for the Liquored Up and Compass tour.
This is about the only thing that takes me away to another World. It’s probably the only thing that brings me much anxiety. However, I’m very proud that I don’t fear it and walk away from it. I face my anxiety and forge ahead.
Time with my Grandson
Time with my Grandson makes me so happy and makes me feel young again. I enjoyed being a Mother. Time alone with him, teaching him and seeing the love for me in his eyes, lights my heart. This morning, he walked out of the bedroom, looked at me, and exclaimed, “Nanny!” I just loved that so much.
Home Renovations and Upgrades
I’m no jack of all trades and I prefer doing this with someone else, but I love making things beautiful. I feel that creating your space is so important in finding zen in your life. I bought four pillow covers from Amazon and it changed the whole feel of the living area. You don’t have to spend a lot to find your zen and happy place within your home.
Sharing my Thoughts on my Blog
While some may say that I’m target writing, I’m actually not. I tend to write more during times where there are lessons to be learned, rather than when I’m happy and I really have nothing of value to share. This is the lifestyle part of my blog and I’m OK with it.
While listening to this course, I feel that I’m on the positive side of anxiety where I don’t shy away from what gives me anxiety. Normally, I grab the bull by the horns and give things a shot. I think the one thing I may be anxious and avoidant with now is romantic relationships. I just want one last time. I don’t want to play the romance game again, because one has to deal with the other person’s issues. I’m tired. I’m old. I’m ready to take on the World alone.