There’s a fun fact about separation and divorce. No matter how much you want to love them and hold dear to the memories, there is always the slap across the face that makes one realize why you left in the first place. Sad reality.
Today, I received a LARGE sum of money. Money that is not mine. I guess if I wanted to pull a fast one on my children, I could keep it. But, that’s not the person that I am. That said, I’m going to be heavily taxed and we’re not talking a couple of thousand dollars. Why did I do this? To expedite the shit show my kids are going through, in order to get some cash in their hands, to start the life that they deserve after so much grief.
My poor daughter is going through hell over her Father’s death. Losing a parent is hard enough, but, between the drugs, the inheritance, the bankruptcy, the lies, floggers and gags, she’s had enough emotionally. If Toby Keith could have went on stage and sang a month before his death, some of these things could have been garbaged and taken care of, for their sake. All he had to do was open up! My heart breaks for the both of them.
I reached out numerous times to him before his death to see how he was coping. We honestly had really nice exchanges. However, on the flip side, he was so busy talking shit about my mother and I with a sister and an aunt/cousin, that he didn’t have the sense to realize that the single person on this Earth, that would have helped him secure a future for his children, would have been me. Fuck, I would have also got rid of the floggers and gags, if he asked, so the kids didn’t have to deal with that shit too. I was there when it happened. My awkward response was “For the record, he never asked me to do that shit.” Anyway, helping him would have been all about the kids.
Now instead of paying the bankruptcy $16,000, the trustees have now taken over his estate account and want $92,000, which needs to be probated. The large amount accidentally bequeathed to me is a tax burden on me. So I’ll have to withhold funds for next year’s ridiculous tax return, THEN hand over the remaining to my children. This guy had a lot of money after death, but took care of nothing. The kids could have been so well off in today’s economy.
The fact that we were still married at the time of his death meant nothing. There was nothing I could do or say to stop this crazy train, because Lord knows I’ve tried every angle to help my children. I was separated, and that in the court’s eyes was enough. So now, they have a lawyer.
I giggle now, because of my friends was handed that excuse when presented with divorce papers. That’d he’d get everything. Nah, she just wanted him back.
The only advice I can give is to ANYONE over the age of 45, is to have your ducks in a row. When it comes to death, you must take care of those you leave behind. Don’t let your burden become their burden. When you know that you are ill, take care of business “just in case.” Take your exes off as a beneficiary if you don’t want the money going to them. If you have an addiction, that could quickly cause your health to crumble, face it and deal with the “maybes.” for the sake of your family.
Another piece of advice, the less that goes into the Estate, the less people can grab at it. Have a beneficiary. Not only in your will! Got life insurance, have a beneficiary. Got a TFSA, make sure there is a beneficiary. It’s just that simple.
Speak to your family and don’t have the mindset that “I’ll be gone, everyone can deal with it.” It’s not fair what so ever.
Life Goes On
The kids and I just had a pow wow, and it’s so great that we can work together as a team to maximize their future. I’m so proud of them both.
No matter the hurdles that life presents, life must go on. My daughter just received a huge promotion at work. My son is well on his way with this career.
My life is moving forward. I’m figuring out where I want to live after this house sells, while robbing the cradle with a freshly 47-year-old hottie who is not an Aquarius, but very close! I finally understand what my therapist meant by being scared of someone without addictions. I’ve already ran once….but…here I am. I mentioned today that I may change the bathroom floor, since that’s the biggest comment ant showings, and he’s all over it and offering to help. Maybe there are perks to robbing the cradle with someone sober. We’ll see. I just know that I’m finally happy and feeling settled again. I’ll never settle for anything less than what I, and other women, deserve again.
So, I’m just enjoying the ride, recognizing all these lessons learned in my life and never looking back. Looking back stagnates you from what lies ahead. If they wanted to, they would have. If I was meant to live in my home in Cambridge, my life would still be the same. If….if….if. The if’s can kill you if you allow them to.
Death has an interesting way of putting things into perspective and makes you take a different look at your life.
As a family, we’re taking things day by day, as we should, and learning about ourselves immensely. Living the dream and trying to find happiness again amidst the nightmares of the past.