Your Ideas And My Ideas- How We Play Together

In the real world, competition is fierce.   There will always be a mother to “one up” you, or a co-worker who assumes that they are better than you.

There will ALWAYS be someone who you are competing against, with or without your knowledge.

For many years, I’d look at that picture perfect mother, who made homemade meals, had a floor you could eat off of, and mended with a sewing machine, and wish that I had her abilities.

In my career, I was always very confident and instead of having envy, I was the envied. People always ran with my ideas and it felt good.

However, as you can see, my whole life wasn’t latent with confidence. When I changed hats from career woman to mom, I was a mess.  I was obviously competing with myself to be a better Mom despite my career success.

Eventually I had to learn how to play together without the envy.   I had to learn how to treat people differently that were competing with me at work.

Here’s how (in any situation) you can do your part when playing together, sharing ideas, and living harmoniously.

  1. There’s only one person that you can be – YOURSELF.
  2. Be kind to those who you feel challenged by and those who feel challenged by you.
  3. Show empathy to those who feel the need to be competitive with you.
  4. If it gets too much, then inquire why they feel threatened in a non-threatening manner.
  5. If the jealousy is intolerable (you own or someone else), breath, think, and then speak. Never the other way around.
  6. Find a common ground where you both excel. Work on the task together, and rejoice in the success together.
  7. Never walk away from a challenge, embrace it, and be kind to your competition.
  8. Don’t gloat.  It doesn’t look good on anyone.
  9. Don’t be a sore sport.  Always congratulate other’s on their success.
  10. Never minimize the success of others.  Remember, they are patting themselves on the back.

There was an incident on Twitter this week, where 200 digital women were chosen to participate at the ShesConnected Conference in Toronto Ontario on September 29 & 30th.  I was selected and very proud that my hard work panned out!

Long story short, after some comments about the procedure of selection being flawed and the fact that some of the attendees were “newbies”, I started doubting myself internally.  Yes, even a woman who marches to the beat of their own drummer, doesn’t conform to cliques, and applauds her success asked:

  1. Was this really a hoax?
  2. Am I REALLY influential or am I still at square one in this social media game?
  3. Am I really good enough?

Instead of confronting the nay-sayers, I went to the source (privately) and inquired about the selection process and if what they were saying is true.  After a discussion, I felt reassured that it was sour grapes and not to allow their gripes to minimize my success in being selected.

So what did I do then?  Well I tooted the attendees who felt exactly the same way I did initially.  After all, sending out good karma can only be a good thing!

Comments 2

  1. Great Article Trina and very useful tips on how to play together! I missed it back in August. Glad I caught the repost on Twitter this morning. It's very timely for me as I am trying to wear so many different hats and as confident as I feel most of the time, there are several times I doubt myself as well. Being a new mom who is trying to start a business, and trying to make a career change to be closer to home is challenging in so many ways. In addition, I'm also trying to wear the hats of wife, daughter, cousin, friend (to both on and off line friends!) and good citizen. Whew…I get exhausted just thinking about it. We all need to feel validated in what we do and who we are. I don't think we hear it enough and it's hard to remind ourselves that we are worthy. I think you're doing a great job! Keep it up!

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