My weekend was nice. I went to a friend’s 50th. Typically, I’d go with my husband, but since he’s off in Ottawa living his dream, I had to go alone. I arrived, I gave my card, I had one drink, a little chat and left disappointed. I wanted to stay but felt awkward. I hate being alone now at events, restaurants and bars. I used to be so self confident, where did I go? I developed a massive headache.
I proceeded to “try” and find some fun. I was looking great, but feeling awful. I went to a game night held at a friend’s place. So many old friends and new faces. I felt like a fish out of water. I didn’t drink in fear of crying or breaking down. That was my mood. That’s my mood often. I drove my tipsy friends home, and went to bed at my parent’s apartment.
Another Anniversary Day
Yesterday was one year that he arrived in Ottawa to join me on our new “empty nest” adventure. I can only assume that he moved into his new apartment as our lease expires tomorrow. I hope that Ottawa is everything he’s ever dreamed of and more.
Yesterday, my friends and I did our annual apple picking in preparation of pie making. It was quick, but always fun. My life hasn’t changed that much since before D-day. I still enjoy the same friends, the same routine, and the same seasonal traditions. This time though, I’m making pies and beets for other people rather than my family. Sad.
A Betrayed Wife’s Trials and Tribulations
I know that I am not the only betrayed spouse going through the emotional and financial repercussions of a divorce. It’s frustrating. It’s demeaning. It kills you inside day after day. It gets easier, and with easier, you get stronger.
Yesterday, my daughter informed me that she’ll be moving out November 1, 2019. With no job, I quickly did the math and thought that if things don’t happen soon, I’ll be kicked out. Forward thinking. So I told her, I would write up the two months notice to vacate, but she will be responsible for handing it in and explaining the situation.
She handed it in this morning. As a typical Mom, I had to go down and discuss the situation with the property manager. I took the dog for a walk bawling my eyes out, and then proceeded to discuss the situation with the Property Manager in tears as well. It’s been two months since I got a lawyer. Two months of being ignored. Thousands given to the lawyer. Hundreds of resumes sent out. Why things aren’t working out for me is just unheard of. I’ve always triumphed. Why am I not “winning” now?
So, I have to start packing. I’ve packed three times since August 2018, so why not four? I will either move in with a friend or my parents until I can find a job and find a new place that will suit the income of whatever that job is.
After talking to the PM, I went back to my apartment. Still crying, I turned my head and something snapped. The blood cascaded from the left side of my head, down my back. This only happened when I was a teenager. What is it? I have no clue, but I’m exhausted. When will the tears stop??
I wrote my lawyer absolutely defeated.
I just want to let you know that I have had to give my two months notice as my daughter will be leaving in November to live with her boyfriend in Toronto. I simply cannot afford to pay $1,650 a month plus all of my expenses.
I’ve applied for work. I’ve had recruiters review and approve my resume from Cambridge Staffing, Robert Half and NorthSouth Recruiting. I am having panic attacks due to the lack of interest in my abilities.
We need this matter expedited. He’s had since July to respond and has avoided it. He received a good 80% of our assets, as I left so quickly. He has a job that is a salary of $***** plus bonus. I tried to reconcile, but it was his way or the highway. I had to take the highway and the road I’m on is not bringing much luck.
The superintendents downstairs are quite vexed with me as I am breaking a lease to survive. I am now a 48 year old woman who needs to live with her parents so a job at Tim Hortons or Chapters, will cover my expenses until I find something better. Is that every 46 year old woman’s dream? No! I was supposed to be on a boat on the Ottawa River living my new empty nest life. He destroyed that completely!
I have a therapist letter stating that I’m depressed and experience much anxiety. I can’t even afford her anymore.
Bottom line, *********** and his lawyer must be told. I don’t care about court process. I don’t care about his rights. I don’t care about anything but my survival. I’d say after today, my survival is questionable at best. It’s time he faces the music of his actions.
Why does someone who was so emotionally scarred have to deal with a person hiding from the repercussions of their actions? So many betrayed spouses are dealing with this at this very moment. Weren’t the emotional scars he left behind enough for this man? What thrill is he getting by kicking me financially too?
Just Another Day
Today, I am going to grab my camera and get out of the apartment. I’m going to “try” as I do every day. I am making progress. Slow progress.
I am also debating on sending my credit card statement to the Ottawa Police to continue the investigation. He was supposed to pay me for three Skip the Dishes purchases on my credit card, but hasn’t. I’m going to assume it was an innocent mistake, but by sending in the statements, I want his STD account checked as there was two different stories provided on how my credit card was used (or wasn’t used). I can only assume it was for him and the “voice” people hear in the background when they talk to him. So no, I’m not paying for her entertainment, nor his. I think my decision in my heart all boils down to this. I must do what’s best for me. I’m being played a huge game. I’ve let him win far too often the past year.
I’m so tired…..so very very tired.