Yes, I have my moments, but being single really isn’t a lonely place to be!
“How are you tonight, Mom?” my daughter asks me while driving to see her boyfriend East of Toronto.
“Well I’m alone after having dinner with my friend Tracy. We had a nice evening.”
I don’t know how the rest of the conversation went, being alone at the onset of someone leaving, like my friend did, sucks. Not having a place that I can call “home”, sucks. However, I know I did say that I’d much prefer my old life because I had her Dad in it. What I really meant was (but didn’t say) the old life I thought I had. Not the reality. I never “had” him for a long long time.
Fast forward September 27, 2019, I could have went on a date or an encounter tonight. However, after much thought, I refused. I am seriously not ready to meet anyone because the majority of people out there are basically out for one thing. A casual one-time encounter. Maybe one day, but not now. It feels so liberating to say that aloud.
I am quite content at home tonight. I deserve these moments to reflect, think and write. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. I would never settle for this in my past life, but I’m so ok with it now. It’s quiet. It’s lovely.
After a marital separation, if your significant other decides to deep dive into dating, don’t date to one up them. Make your return to dating a personal decision based on readiness and not desperation.Trina Stewart
Someone asked me what I would look for in a man? That’s an easy question. Truth, honesty, independence and laughter. That’s about it. I don’t care if he’s skinny or fat. Ugly or gorgeous. He doesn’t need to be younger or older. He just needs those four wonderful qualities in a person, because that’s all I ask for. That’s what I have to give in return too.
There is someone I wonder about. Someone from my past. We’ve chatted here and there, so who knows. Maybe in time. A long time.
Don’t get me wrong, I do want another person in my life…all in due time. I want to be 100% available to them, and never shed a tear for another. I don’t want triggers to affect what can be built. I want to wash away my tears right now. I don’t want to burden someone to do it for me.
Seriously, there is no void to fill anymore. I’ve filled that void with dinners by myself, weekly dinners with my son, late night chats with my daughter, phone time with friends, evenings writing, and walking my dog Chloe. I can fill up my time well, if I want to.
I can’t believe after so many months I can honestly say, I’m alright. I’m still heartbroken, tired, and lost, but I’m doing it and moving forward. I don’t need that void filled by anyone, because I have me. Seize the Day!