Well this week (well it’s only Saturday) has certainly been interesting. So far, I have opened my heart and mind to any idea brought forth me.
Today was a very powerful day. Replacing Could with Should. We spend most of our lives living under the word Should. We should keep our kid’s busy all the time. We should do the laundry. We should call our parent’s.
However, most of these should’s, when ask why has no realistic answer. I have learned to replace the word, SHOULD, with COULD and validate my reasons why I could, but won’t in order to focus on my well being.
Second…we all have skeleton’s in our family closet. This was the time to reveal all of our secrets on paper, acknowledging their existence Once Upon A Time and then writing SO WHAT! right over top of it. This was by far the most powerful exercise I have ever done. As I was writing SO WHAT over top of them, I read the phrase and said “Bye Bye”. The past is so much better right in that spot.
Third, is our relationship with our sexuality. Well….boy did I ever learn about how my relationship with that was directly linked to many of my faults (in the next exercise). I will never ever laugh at someone who is a bed jumper again. There are underlying reasons why we are, who we are sexually. It can be for various reasons, feeling lost, validation, worthlessness, control, fear of saying no. So much you’d never believe it until you sit down and do this exercise.
We all have our skeletons and I truly feel that the more we look at someone’s actions, the more we realize that their past plays a huge role with the indiscretions of their actions and the people surrounding them.
Now my risks…..I’m very disappointed that I really don’t have a friend who will do this with me. However, it’s also a shining light in realizing that “Hey, why do you need a friend for this? I must do this on my own. You threw it out there and no one responded and that’s fine. I’m just not a drunk dancing queen, I’m much much more….who said I could be that after the song?” However, I KNOW that I have a lot of cheerleader’s from afar who are silently cheering me on.
So, I know that there is Karaoke tomorrow afternoon and I’m going to do it alone.
So how did I develop my list of to do’s…well by facing my fears of course. My fears are lengthy but also validates who I am as a person and why I can’t make my life, full of life. For those who care, these are my risks that I plan to take over the next few weeks (or months).
– Perform a Karaoke song without one drink. I can’t imagine my first time will be as dramatic as when I’ve had a drink.
– Talk to a friend as if I was writing.
– Take the time to think of and write a short story for the Toronto Sun Literary Contest. Deadline February 28th.
– Get off my ass once a week and go out for coffee with a friend who has spirit, soul and the same common interests as myself. Stop staying in the house all the time.
Long Term Risks
– Go all mad alone to a Comedy Open Mike night and write and perform an act.
– Try to be the leader of my destiny and not allow external stimuli to control my level of success.
So by taking advantage of all of these, requires a great deal of time and diligence. To write, I must focus on writing and not on Facebook and the Internet so much when I’m alone. To be a leader of my destiny, I really have to pack up and leave this job because realistically, I like it but I am so aware of my limits which are set and controlled by other people opposed to myself.
Getting of the Internet is a huge feat since it brings me happiness to read, blog, respond to message boards and to keep communicating with friends. However, is this helping myself and my goals? Nope, not one iota.
This has been a most cathartic experience and I am so happy with myself in taking this leap in finding my true self. Life’s not all about my spouse, parent’s, children, cleaning, working, my past, or money…..it’s all about ME. My life is all about ME…because if I don’t love me and aspire to be my true soul, then what am I giving to other’s? Can they give me their true soul as well?
Til Next Time,