I am writing this post after a long discussion with my best friend who’s very sick.  Pardon me if I sound neurotic.

How many times in my life did I say that I feel dead inside?  Many
How many springtime’s have I passed in a seasonal depression?  Too Much

How many times did I fret over something that I no longer fret over? TOO Many

As I sat with my friend tonight, who was suddenly diagnosed with brain cancer, I quickly reinforced my thinking that nothing, besides our love, our dreams, and our family, matters.

Sometimes the things we fret over in the name of love or family doesn’t really matter either.

So what, the living room’s dusty? We still have a lifetime to clean it and get it right.
So what, you hate your job?  Doesn’t when push come to shove, we find another one?
So what, your daughter is diagnosed with ADHD?  I spent my whole life fretting over it.  I wasted a whole year in a serious depression over giving her meds.  Had I not fretted over it, it wouldn’t be an excuse to my teenage daughter today.  Her wonderful spirit would be a wonderful attribute opposed to a medical term.

I look at myself at thirty eight and quickly realize that I was once a sixteen year old girl with ADHD (that term wasn’t even invented at the time), ready live but instructed:

“not talk about your problems”
“to work even though you hate it”
“that money is the key to all happiness”

Oh to turn back time and be twenty again.  I wouldn’t have fretted over half the things that I did.  I would have lived life and done the things that I’m doing NOW.  Taking the biggest frickin chances, making mistakes, giggling about them, and smiling at the end of the day.

I look at my dear friend and see the life that she created for herself.  She has always been happy go lucky, but cautious.  She has always been a worrier of money.  She has always been protective of her husband and kids.  She does not know how to let go and worry about herself now. I guarantee she’ll hide all of the bad days to protect those who she loves.

She asked me tonight to document her journey.  I was honoured.  There is no bigger writing experience than this one.  This is true and pure.  This is what we all fear, but we hope that it happens at a later age than 39.

I hope this experience will give me the strength to look at life from the clouds, rather than from the ground.  I already feel that it’s going that way.  Life is life.  You never know when the day will come that you are faced with a live changing predicament. 

The most wonderful thing about this blog is that I do it because I love it and for no other reason.  I believe that my love of writing and money will come full circle when the time is right, when someone, with much more control than me decides, hey it’s time to get this girl out of this rut and allow her to live her dreams…..or her worst nightmare.  It’s all up to a higher power to decide my fate.

But that will not stop me from trying to attain my dream.

Why wait?  Why fret? Why fear? Why not believe in yourself today?

Related Images: