The past few days has been highly emotional. My 16 year-old daughter is going through another bump in the road and I have no idea how to help her. We have seen counselors (which she has dismissed), a psychiatrist (which she thinks is crazy), and now the counselor is saying to me that we have to try harder to teach her problem solving skills even though she slams the door in my face nightly.
I feel like SCREAMING. I do not have a nanny, housekeeper, or financial controller at home. It’s only me! I work at a job that is excruciatingly demanding and it really shouldn’t be. I have so much to oversee and I feel like I’m in a corner. I have no idea how to help her, keep money flowing and the house clean. I feel like everyone is expecting me to save the day.
Is it possible that the psychiatrist is wrong and she is one of the 2% that is clinically depressed?
What is it that I lack in giving? I’m full of love, positive influence, and guidance. Sure I’m not the best at helping with homework (because she never has it) or friendship issues (because the explanation is skewed) but I try so hard each and every day to understand the issue.
When it comes to my daughter, I feel like I’m the most incompetent person in the world. I feel like I’ve failed drastically.
I’m not materialistic but it takes every cent that we earn to keep this house going. It feels like the need to pay our bills trumps me being a Mom. On top of it all, the incredibly demanding job that I hold now only escalates my feelings of Mom inadequacy.
I just wish that I could find a position which suits my passion for life. I wish that my daughter can see me living my passion and learning from that. I wish that my daughter would come out of this slump and try exploring alternative routes in life.
I have made a decision tonight. I am deleting all email accounts off my Blackberry. Having my business email close in hand only drives me to work at night when I should be focusing more on family time and my own personal passions. I do not own this business and I make an hourly rate. Therefore, my vested interest should be between the hours of what I work during the day.
I am a smart, intelligent business woman and mother. There’s GOT to be a happy medium! I simply have no Zen in my life. I have to get back to meditating and finding peace again. Perhaps my daughter will incorporate this into her life as well.
There’s a lot of happiness to be had in life. We just have to find the balance again. Money simply cannot trump being a good Mom in order for it to work harmoniously.