What is Bullying

What is Bullying? Why is it the hardest epidemic to stop?

What is Bullying?  You would think that there would be a simple answer with a simple solution.

I’m still heartbroken over the death of Amanda Todd.  There isn’t a moment that passed today that she didn’t cross my mind.  A little girl that I didn’t know, but a girl I would have loved to talked to and helped in some little way.  I literally can feel the helplessness that she was feeling, because I too sat beside a hospital bed and wondered why someone could even be in that “place”.

My heart bled for Amanda Todd and that very special person in my life.  My heart bleeds for others who experience bullying today.  I want to be Hercules to solve the mystery of “What is Bullying” and put a stop to it.  However, it will never end.

At that time in my life, I had no idea the huge mountain we had to climb to regain self esteem and self worth.  I feel like we’ve climbed Mount Everest today and we are at the peak.

News Reports when a suicide related to bullying happens

Have you ever noticed that when a child commits suicide because of bullying the report is proceeded with tips to assist people who are being bullied?  They never ever come out and say, AND if you feel that your child is a bully, these are the steps that you should be taking and followed with a huge banner that says “Don’t let your child be the enabler of yet another death.”.

They wouldn’t say that.  They couldn’t say that.  Why? Perhaps the networks are scared of being liable of a lawsuit  Even a better reason is that society truly believes that the problem resides within the bullied.

What is Bullying? Merriam Webster defines bullying as:

What is Bullying

 

I tend to agree with this definition but there are so many scenarios that I can think of in my life where I felt strong for the longest time, until I finally claimed defeat.   It was just easier to leave than to keep fighting a losing battle.  At first, it felt like people were in competition with me until the “competition” became fierce, unbearable and just plain wrong.

  • I’ve had bullying bosses who were completely oblivious of their bullying behaviour.  They simply excused their behaviour as “I’m the boss”
  • I’ve had bullying co-workers where they just wouldn’t let up until I finally quit despite loving my job.
  • I’ve had bullying friends who felt that it was necessary to lead the pack and change the thought process of the “gang”  If she was mad you, everyone was against you.
  • I’ve had people I respected my whole life, who ended up being the biggest bully of all when it was their time to seek revenge against another.
  • I’ve had people look at me and say “That’s not bullying” when I’ve tried to stand up for another.  Yes, it is bullying if one person feels the need to intimidate a person or a group of individuals to get their way.  Damn it it’s bullying.

Even us bloggers live in a world where we read so many negative blog posts, review the hooray responses, when we KNOW that the points made are pointed at a group of individuals to intimidate them and ultimately have them question their existence in the blogesphere until they eventually give up.

What is Bullying?  Are there different levels depending on the person’s psyche?

There’s a fine line between constructive criticism and bullying.  I don’t think it’s right to even judge another person because WE DO NOT KNOW THEIR MENTAL STATE!  I could not live with myself if someone took their life because of something I said or did to them.

My definition to bullying is simple and to the point:

Bullying – Verb:  Messing with one’s mind, either non-verbally, verbally or physically, causing the other party emotional despair, grief, and sometimes fear.

Bully – Noun, getting a rise or an emotional high by performing the acts of bullying.

What one person can handle, another person may crumble.  This is the very fine line of the “What is bullying?” scenario.

Many think that the bullied or harassed party should:

  • just suck it up and grow up, but that’s not going to happen until they are ready to rid themselves from the pain of others.
  • listen because everyone has a right to your opinion.
  • go away because if they don’t like what I have to say or who I am, they can F## off.

Until you have seen someone defeated by bullying or constructive criticism, you have no room to have a say about their mental state.  It tears them apart slowly until the bleeding doesn’t stop.

I know this is rant that is all over the place but so is bullying.  As parents and educators, we have to watch for the signs of our children being bullied, but we also have to watch for the signs that they may be a bully as well.   We must rid ourselves of the “everyone has a right to our opinion” shitty attitude and look at the world like we did when we were young, insecure, and naïve.  We have to teach compassion, love, and respect.

It starts at home and in our community.

 

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Currently working through life separated from her husband and finding herself, Trina loves concert photography, hanging out with her single and married besties, and cooking. Stay tuned!

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