Divorce and Your Future Relationship with Sex

I have to thank my divorce for a few things. The ability to stand up for myself, ask for what I want and need, and understanding the patterns of patriarchy in today’s day and age. But this post isn’t about that. It’s basically about sex and my relationship with it today. Have I made love to anyone since the demise of my marriage? Well you’ll have to keep reading to find out.

She’s Writing about Sex?

I am writing about this to talk about a topic that is very important during the grieving and the reclamation of one’s self. I read the book “Pussy: A Reclamation” written by Regena Thomashauer and while it made me think, but it didn’t inspire me until recently. I need to go for a long drive and listen to it again. In this book, she writes:

“our dreams, our feelings. In short, it’s the absence of pussy. The feminine is the feeling part of us, our deepest intuition, our sense of community and connection. Additionally, it is a sense of spiritual morality and consciousness. The feminine is life. It may shock you to hear that she does not care about production, accomplishment, domination, assertiveness, or winning. Those are masculine values. On the contrary, On the contrary, she favors enjoyment, inclusion, surrender, and sustainability.”

Regina Thomashauer

Then I started watching Regena on Instagram. She’s an older lady with confidence, style, crazy dance moves, and a love of her “pussy.” Ok I thought….

I have been studying Women in History and I’m fascinated by so many women that we have covered over the course of the semester. The female black slaves put up with living hell while knowing that their femininity could grant them some grace compared to the men. The women accused of being witches in Salem were the excuse to every ungodly or strange thing that happened. They faced torture and even death. I could go on. There was this week’s final lesson on the sexual revolution and the vibrator.

The Vibrator

The characters in Sex and the City were all scrambling for a man-I don’t call that a good message for women. Couldn’t just one of them say Look, I prefer to masturbate than go out with another one of these jerks?

Betty Dodson

I recently watched the documentary “Passion and Power: The Technology of Orgasm.” Of course, it was about the Vibrator, dating back over 2,000 years. The vibrator was administered by doctors to cure hysteria in Women when all they needed was a good old-fashion orgasm that the patriarchal men didn’t have the skill, knowledge or desire to provide. It went underground for over 40 years and appeared again in the 60’s. I highly recommend this documentary as it made me think.

(Side note: Hysteria was taken off the list of diseases in 1952, the same year that homosexuality was classified a mental disorder.)

The Feeling of Touch

When women separate with their spouses many go through was is Tik Tok known as the “whore phase.” I’ve tried Tik Tok and I hate it by the way. I didn’t have one of those phases and I selected carefully with one or two slip ups. One was out of pure boredom and the other was pure curiosity. Both were experiences that makes me giggle and shutter at the same time.

Getting tested for STD’s is by far the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, especially at this age. So no, my body is my vessel and I choose to protect it. I make it very clear to anyone that if they have multiple partners they must let me know, as my sexual choices belong to me, as does theirs. It’s very important to me to be as committed to my sexual health today, as I have for the past 30 years.

I have had two amazing long-term experiences since my separation. The sex was mind blowing, lasted hours, was fun, with laughing, but always satisfying. That said, I didn’t make love to them. It was purely for sex and intimacy. Making love is an act of two people who deeply love outside the bedroom too. Making love isn’t always mind blowing sex. Making love is a connection like no other. It’s better because you have the full package. This is why so many women (and sometimes men) fall so deep after sexual connection. They mistake it for something that isn’t.

I think I’ve always been a toucher. So to feel a man touching me and kissing me is a very important part of the intimate act of sex. I was once told “no kissing” and my response was “I’m not a whore off Leo’s List, so I’m going home then.” What we want and desire is what we need to ask for. That’s the power of the pussy.

The vibrator to me isn’t something that has interested me, until now after a plethora of reading about it and what it does for women. It’s highly recommended to those who have a partner (**cough** cause a lot of the times the marital bed becomes more about him than you) and for those who don’t have a partner. I have no desire to have a different Tinder lover every weekend. My self respect will always trump a one-night stand. It’s not for me,.but sometimes I get anxious and unfocused for no reason.

So I’ve come to the conclusion, that if we look back to the 1800’s all a good woman needs to regain her sense and power is a good old fashion orgasm. Something that few men take the time to provide. Doing it manually, we are guaranteed that it happens every time. The feeling of blissful release. The feeling of pleasure and sensuality. The way a woman is meant to feel.

Turning on your Power

There is no two ways about it, when I’m turned on, I’m more powerful than when I’m turned off. So many women who lack that turn on can attest to that. So how do we maintain our chosen level of self-respect in today’s dating culture while keeping ourselves turned on?

Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the Vibrator.

“The Power of the Pussy” as Regena claims in her book. “

““They had to learn to see me as a sensual woman who desired a full, passionate life—not just a mother whose best years were behind her and whose future was limited to caring for grandchildren and other family members” 

That is when Regena’s life took off ten fold….and here she is today providing master classes to those who want to understand the power of their pussy.

Getting to Know Pussy

So realistically, this story of mine which started here, ended here, and had over 3,000 blog posts in between, has been a blessing. It has given me power and courage like no other. It has given me a voice. My voice has taken many turns over the past two years. I’ve decided that I’ll wait til my next lifetime to make love if I have to. That said, I owe it to myself to fully embrace the power, the sensuality, and the love I can deliver to me, to my career and to my future. To quote Mama Gena,

“In the beginning was the Word.
The word, my darlings, is pussy.
And with this book, I intend to return that word to its rightful place—as the highest of all possible compliments, as a sacred living prayer.”

I hope you have the opportunity to explore women who fought for our freedoms and the amazing history of powerful outspoken women like Betty Dodson, Joanne Webb, Gloria Steinem and Dell Williams.

I’m off to shop online for a while. I’m going to give this last quote a try and hope for the best because my future is just so f***ing bright, I’ve earned it.

Independent Orgasms creates Independent Thought

Betty Dodson

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