My Mother passed on June 10th at Ingersoll Hospital. She was looking above my daughter’s eyes. It was a very sad moment but, a beautiful one all the same. My Mom was my daughter’s best friend and mine too. Over the past month, I have been trying to make her house a home for my daughter and I. It’s been a horribly rough four years for everyone. Now, we are all left to our own thoughts, our own recollections, and our own memories. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I had the opportunity to find answers over the course of the past two months. More so from my daughter who I have been helping get over her angst and sadness. Things she already knew, but had to hear it from someone else.
I am writing this “Just Like My Mom” post as, I too had some really eye-opening revelations. Thanks to JE, NH, and CJ, I read interesting messages on how I am “Just Like my Mom.” For that, I say thank you, because I am so proud that I am.
My Mom was a loyal soul
She was as loyal to her family as can be. She would defend us til her death.
She would also stand up for herself. Little did I know until later years, that the struggle she had was due to many life long lessons and hurt. So, she didn’t stand up for herself enough.
My Mom would never be caught on dating sites, never dated a married man, or ventured on websites looking for a 20 year old stud. She never strayed. She was a loyal wife and Mother.
As a Mother and Daughter, we struggled with our relationship during my teens, my twenties and right into my thirties. She was hard on me, and I was hard on her. I’m sad that I only learned about her pain four short years before she passed on. Til almost her death, she was loyal. She let everyone put her down because of it. She spread her honesty onto me and I grew from it.
I’m working in therapy how narcissists can cause huge emotional pain and mental health issues. I only wish she did the same in her younger years.
My Mom had Addictions, but she NEVER hid them
My Mom never hid that she loved a glass of gin with water. She was a smoker and until her last breath felt that smoking was a good thing. Her prerogative really. Additional addictions were never revealed, as she simply didn’t hide things. She was absolutely impeccable with her word and vocal about her love for a good time.
My Mom Stood Up for Justice
You don’t know how many times I saw my Mom in a crossfire because she stood up for justice. When someone, especially fake people, did wrong she had no issue calling them out. Her dear sister in law, who was cheated on by her brother, was one of her best friends. She didn’t mind reminding him about his act of injustice to his wife and family. No there was no family coddling. She called a spade a spade.
I also recall a time that the only thing she said was through a message. “Is there a word in the dictionary to describe the character that you are?” All she got was blocked. No apology for the hurt. No apology for the deception. Just blocked.
My brother, who died of a drug overdose at 36, was also called out numerous times. “You come here, you live by my rules. Your sister is 10 years younger than you. If not, you’re out.” He was out more than in. She wouldn’t tolerate his drug abuse ruining anyone’s life…..but hers.
She also stood up for him numerous times where she felt he was treated unjustly.
My Mom was Honest
My Mom didn’t hesitate for one moment to tell you what she thought. “Tell us what you really think, Pat.” is something I heard from many people. One thing though, she never encouraged my kids, my brother’s kids, or her nieces’ and nephews of divorce to disassociate from a parent. She was mad, no she was furious, but it was simply none of her business. She had a hard time getting over things, but from what I see, that’s a hometown trait.
My Mother wasn’t a Narcissist
My Mom certainly had narcissistic traits, as we all do, especially in times of sorrow. She would never ever call someone crazy if she caused the harm that made them crazy. She would never allow my Brother to ignorantly and selfishly call someone names if he caused emotional harm to them.
She didn’t like to say I’m sorry ever in words, but she sure showed it in her actions. Her love language was service. You knew she loved you when she gave, helped, or tried to solve a problem that you were struggling with.
I know my Mom was many things to many people. My Mom kept her circle tight, and boy were they all close when she moved up here. They were even closer as her imminent death approached. With that love, I gained new friends. Mom was a gem. A little rough, a little grumpy, a little fiesty, sometimes a little crazy, but she was just the type of person I want in my life again; A little bundle of honesty, sass, and loyalty.
Now that’s a person we can all applaud. RIP Mom. I love you and so proud that I’m “just like you.”