This weekend was just simply magical. It brought something out in my heart that I haven’t seen in a long time. My three friends came over to help me with the heavy lifting of getting this house prepared for sale. Oh boy, did we work!
They saw how drained the activities of the past year revealed to me. But, they kept me going and thriving. My friend Julie and I painted the bedroom, while the guys prepared the garage, changed a sink, and tap. We also made the corners of my previous paint job look much better. We spent our nights having a couple of drinks and playing crib. There was also some pretty significant reveals.
The Men in my Life
I really can’t believe how a simple one on one discussion can reveal so much about myself and just how blind I am when it comes to men. However, I’m learning fast.
The first one nearly made me sick. My home. My haven for over 20 years became such a double edge sword. What I saw as a safe space, really wasn’t. I just wasn’t made aware of it. That said, I can distance myself from everyone in my past or be extra cautious going forward. I think I’ll be super cautious going forward.
The second, was this guy texting me that I met through work. It was Saturday night and he kept texting and asking if I was interested in getting sexy. I was neck deep in paint and stank! I responded, “Well maybe it would be possible sometime, if you took the chance to get to know me. I think when you get horned up, you text me. I’m with my friends and I want to focus on those in front of me and are focusing on my other qualities rather than sexual. I have a lot more to offer. That’s all I’m saying. My standards are higher than that. Sex is amazing, but only awesome if someone respects you.”
And that was it. Just like that, he was gone. LOL. What I did, was spend a lovely evening with friends and ended it with a beautiful night with one of the best honest friends I have. No commitment. No obligations. No pressure.
The next day, I was on my knees painting and said to my girlfriend out of the blue. “Ya know, all I wanted was help. Help to reduce my anxiety of getting this house ready. Cut down on drinking to get it done. I just wanted fucking help from my partner.” She nodded and said, “Don’t think about it anymore Treen, we’re here til the end. Some people can only give the bare minimum but expect more.”
I wrote my last partner a letter the other day. It was heartfelt and it was a final letter. Much like the letter I wrote to my ex-spouse. It was goodbye. It made me sad to write it, as I truly felt that he was my soul mate for so many reasons. But, it was goodbye. He made it clear for months by pursuing others. I made it clear in that letter. So many disabilities in that relationship. It just wouldn’t have worked, even though if things were different, I could have visualized us growing old together at the same time. I never felt that with my ex-husband. Once it was done, it was done.
Moving Forward
I’m feeling very excited today to keep forging ahead on this house sale. I’m still drained. I’m still sad, but with a lighter heart than last week.
Life can change in a blink of an eye. Some experiences may kill us, while others will cause a dent in our path. I feel by being honest, true to me, and creating boundaries, the sky is the limit.
I can feel Italy calling my name now.
Funny story, my daughter sent me a photo of my ex-husband and I in bed. I could only see his back end, so I asked, when did you take that photo and is that your Dad. I also added, not that I sleep with a bunch of dudes. It was before we left our home in Cambridge. It made me sad to see it.
She said to me, “Mom, you really have to stop dating people whose birthdays are on the first week of February. Your past partner and your “friend” both cut their hair near the same time, which is super creepy.” I didn’t disagree, it’s time to move away from February Men. And my reading this morning really proves it. It’s my year of seven, time to shed, heal and live my best life.
