Well my plans went down the tube due to a “fall.” So, I invited a few girls over to chat and eat steak. It was a great night.

We chatted about relationships, and declared that I have a really hard time believing the excuse of the person who cancelled tonight. I said, that after my two disastrous relationships, it’s hard to trust anyone anymore. Then we discussed how different things are now compared to even twenty years ago. Everything is so accessible.

I talked about one of my friends who split up with her husband, and came out as pansexual. I wasn’t surprised in the least, because she’s such a cool unique person. We’ve been friends for years and I saw the mental abuse she took. I’m happy she’s happy, but discovering herself 20 years ago would have been that much harder. So it’s a double edge sword if relationships were actually better then.

Always Deep in Thought

As I do, I go quiet a times when deep in thought. I know right? I blurted out, “You know, I feel that this break up as of late was my doing. I didn’t give enough time to grieve the separation from my ex-husband and then everyone died within 8 months and I didn’t know how to handle it all. I was thinking today, it may have been smarter to stay with the devil you know, than take a chance with the devil you don’t know.” They looked at me and rolled their eyes. They assured me that I am so better off without my ex-partner. They reminded me of all the times he was alpha, controlling and manipulative. That, and he was all over his ex-wife more than I was with mine. They reminded me not to forget the fact that I was the one who had to tell her to back off, when he couldn’t.

I showed them all the stalking and how I can track visits. They were like “Holy man, move on man! He visits that often?” Yep, he does. Then I showed them all the times his ex-wife visits. “Wow, they are both crazy over you or just crazy.”

Chapter 9 – That Asshole Coaster

I also noted that he’s also friends with my sister-in-law and his ex on Instagram. “After all the shit he called his ex?” Ya, after all that shit talk. He was even the one to name the YouTube channel after her, “Notes on a Fridge.” They basically reassured me that he’s just friends with them to get my goat. The stalking, the Spotify stunt, and this, was all to get under my skin. He can’t let go of you no matter how hard he tries. But, he’s mad at you. He knows those are the two people who have hurt you a lot. He chose them to hurt you and to get a rise out of you. Hurt people, hurt other people. Ya, he’s been hurt a lot in his life. So abused. That, I do know. That’s where I feel sad for him. He rejects the love of people who do love him, and works so hard to get the love from the ones who don’t or are abusive. Ah well….not my problem anymore.

I also told them about our exchange last night and they advised me to block him. Unfortunately, blocking someone’s email just lands them in your junk folder. He said, “XXX can stalk you because you’re public, but don’t you dare say anything about her…” Ok dude, like you haven’t called her the worst names imaginable, while showing everyone her tits on your phone. At least for your sake, she lacks the self respect to open her doors to you again after all that, and a lesbian. Good for you!

Then I remembered, “Fuck, he also has my Father’s tablet! He basically took everything from the relationship. The island, the outdoor table, my speaker, pillows, comforter, the keurig, everything he needs to go camping in the trailer, and now my Father’s tablet. He got anything and everything out of this relationship, including a brand new looking deck and kitchen. The other night when I asked for a couple things, he accused me of being opportunistic.” How could I be so stupid? He took it all, and now, he’s coming after me and my sanity.

After all that happened between us and all the he kept, all he needed and wanted was the asshole coaster, that would slip across a dirty deck, while dictating notes, on how to act, to put on the fridge and refusing him to say goodbye to the family dog. There wasn’t any sign of a female presence when I walked into his life. Blaming their abusive behaviour on me, I suppose. Let’s do it again and expect a different result this time.

Don’t be silly Trina. It’s a game to him.

They empathized that I had to deal with all that negative and unnecessary drama, while dealing with everything else I’ve went through. I told them point blank, some people just don’t care and don’t see when someone else is hurting. At this point, after remembering the tablet, I was bawling.

But, I shall forge ahead and deal with this next questionable red flag.

We had a nice dinner and a lot of chatting. It was so nice. I then got an offer on the house! Closing is in May (way far off), but we countered the offer.

Then, my daughter called and we talked about pretty much the same stuff, because I was ridiculously upset over my Father’s tablet. She told me that Nanny also confided in her that she while she liked my ex-partner, I deserved someone better. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know. But ya, after all of his antics of late, I do deserve someone much better. Someone who can help me rise up, heal from all this trauma and be a better human.

As far as the “fall” guy, she told me to trust my gut. If I feel he’s taking me for a ride, just end things immediately. She feels I need to move completely away from the rednecks and start being the person I’m meant to be. I have no clue what I’m meant to be, but I’m fucking tired trying to figure it out with all this drama from a disastrous past relationship.

We shall see. The continuing saga.

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