As a family, we’ve had quite the ride. Between three deaths in an 8 month span, it’s a miracle that my kids and I aren’t completely bat shit crazy. The other night, my son and grandson came to visit. We had such a great night together. We made homemade donairs, played games and had a lot of laughs. We discussed everyone’s future plans and I think we’re all still up in the air with what our plans are.

My Future

I know the person I’m with wants me to move in. I’m terrified and have not given a response. It’s endearing how accepted he is with my kids and especially my Grandson. No one will ever take the name of Pappy with him, as that name is reserved for one person only. But, he can be a fun elder figure for him as we really enjoy having alone time with him. I’ve talked a lot to my friends about this decision I must make. I just can’t handle the anticipated drama. When someone is that driven to hurt someone, while throwing someone else under the bus, that they rekindled a relationship with, BLOWS me away. It’s not my style. My best friend, who is also a second wife, says it’s normal when it comes to women. I don’t know, but it’s bizarre as hell.

My Daughter’s Future

I feel that my daughter is terrified with her next moves. She reminded me yesterday that after we leave this condo, it’ll be our last family home. That made me even more terrified! She decided to hold off on a fancy apartment for now, and stay with me until the end. That melts my heart.

She is doing amazing with her job. I can see her going far in life. She’s way smarter than she realizes. She’s very traumatized over her Father’s death, but she’s focusing on therapy to help her find herself again.

My Son’s Future

I can only hope that my son, his fiance, and my grandson can find their forever home. I treasure those days where my kids grew up on Dalkeith Drive. I did so much moving in my life and I hope that they will find a place to call home with much stability and love.

All in all though, all the traumas has brought us closer together. On Saturday morning, my partner and I headed to the States, and my kids went for a day trip to Niagara. They took photos of places we used to picnic. It brought back fond memories. I feel blessed that they are together and celebrating all the memories that we created for them. As well, they are showing my Grandson the fun times they had when they were children.

Endings can be hard and traumatizing, but it’s what was created in between that makes us appreciate the times together. Like I said, I have finally chosen to accept the love that I gave, over the love that I wasn’t given. If I decided to dwell over it and ask a million questions, I would continue to be crazy. I love my family so much. I am looking forward to Summer camping and doing things with them to maintain the closeness we created after tragedy.

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