The past few weeks I’ve been pre-occupied. Strangely enough, I went to pick up my Father’s tablet from my ex-friend and we ended up talking about getting back together.
The initial meeting was rather rough. I wanted to pick everything up on the doorstep. As well, I had a few things for him. Easy Peasy. However, he didn’t see me come and go and had other things inside his home. So I thought, “Ok well I’m not making two trips, so I returned.”
I ended up grabbing the rest of my stuff. Upon my departure, I connected to his wi-fi and went inside to prove that there was no connection to his home going forward. (Not that I tried to do anything during our time apart. He just liked suggesting that I had control). At that time, we decided to talk. I left to go get a coffee and, after much driving around to decide whether I wanted to talk, I went back to see him.
We had a lot to discuss. We talked well into the night. We argued initially, stayed quiet a lot, listened and spoke our minds. Suffice to say, I ended up sleeping over.
It’s Been Two Weeks
Once we decided to try again, we made some agreements between one another. My agreements contained never bringing up the past, particularly his ex and her actions. However, if she did anything again, he must defend me or else I’m gone. The next one was not to run away. A lot of the times during our relationship, if a fight happened, I’d pack and go. I’ve done that to many the past five years. Running away from threats was my way of dealing.
Thus far, things have been great. We’ve spoken about our time apart. We’ve spoken and laughed about our experiences with other people. We didn’t get angry or jealous about our personal experiences. It’s been good, until it wasn’t.
It’s Happening Again
Last Thursday night, we had such a pleasant beginning. He was off the next day and we were enjoying a night together. Then his daughter called. He asked her why she called the cops the night before for a wellness check and proceeded to say that he’s back with me and he wanted to talk to her. She stated that she need to talk to him, and that she had somethings to send me. It was then that he threw his phone at me and I read just a snippet of what I could expect.
It was then that ten text messages came in. All perfectly screen shotted to show what he had to say to his ex-wife. So screenshots without full context, is questionable at best. However, It wasn’t nice. It was horrible. “She’s a lunatic.” “I was a manipulative c-word.” “She ruined my life.” “Thank you for being the bigger person.” “Keep stalking her, it drives her crazy.”
Crazy part is that his daughter and ex-wife listened, and I was right. I did have a stalker campaign on my ass.
His daughter decided to throw in my weight issues by calling me a “Piggy, piggy, oink, oink”. I was fine with that because hurt people, hurt people. She’s been manipulated by her mother and father big time to torture me. I am proud that my daughter doesn’t concern herself with all the drama. I didn’t share texts with her. I just want her to be happy and whether she accepts my ex-partner or not, is based on her opinions. I didn’t encourage her to be filled with hate and, for that, I’m proud of myself.
Yet, here I was sitting with him. Shocked, crying and feeling so stupid for falling for this bullshit abuse again.
While I was so upset, I was also angry. I tried to maintain my composure from yet another attack from this horribly vile person. I went to bed crying, and said that I was leaving the next day.
The Next Day
I woke up by myself the next day. I could have ran and went to my safe house in Ingersoll. However, I remembered my promise not to run away, so I waited. I said nothing to anyone, but I did a lot of thinking.
“Who screenshots their texts and gives them to their daughter for ammunition? I would never allow my kids to see my personal conversations with anyone. I am a big girl. If I’m going to throw shit, sure as hell I would never use my kids. Neither of my kids has seen the back and forth between him and I or even their Father and I. Words spoken are private. And if words spoken are confusing, go to a friend for God sake.” What a horrible Mother to use her daughter to get revenge on me.
“Was he wrong for doing what he did? Absolutely. Did I know he was angry with me? Absolutely.” The big question is do I stay? He was an absolute asshole for saying the things he said. So, why does he want me back after he tore me down verbally to the one person who has harboured so much hate and ill will towards me ever since we first met? Is he just needy and I just happened to show up at the right time? I don’t know.
“The proof is in the pudding. I have so much backup on all this ex-partnership abuse, that even he can’t refute what I’ve experienced the past five years. She can’t let go. Doesn’t want him happy, especially if it’s with me.”
In the end, everything he said to her is entirely his responsibility. He essentially handed her the perfect opportunity to tear us apart by venturing into any discussion about me. Yet, I won’t hold her accountable for the hurtful things he said. Given how easily he’s influenced, she managed to manipulate his actions to cause me pain in the worst possible way, once again.
Moving Forward
There’s been a great deal on my mind, to put it mildly. As an independent woman, my ultimate goal is simply to find happiness. However, I am willing to give this situation the chance it merits, especially after enduring five years filled with highs, lows, bereavements, and illnesses. As I’ve expressed to him, since the close of 2022, we’ve faced more traumatic experiences together than most couples ever do. If things turn out well, then they do. If not, I prefer to leave with a sense of peaceful closure.
We’ve been considering moving in together once my parents’ place is sold. At the moment, I’m about 55% on board. But after that wild situation with the woman who seems determined to make my life difficult, I’m having doubts. Just because I write about what’s happening doesn’t mean I’ve gone out of my way to wreck her life. Because of her, I barely trust my old best friend anymore, and my trust in anyone from Waterloo is pretty much at rock bottom, just to be safe. When I started my job in Waterloo, the first thing I did was check if anyone was friends or connected to her in any way.
I’m hoping that everything I’ve learned since we broke up, the self-confidence I’ve gained from what I’ve been through, and my knack for seeing people’s true colors will help me make smart choices for my future. Like I’ve mentioned, I really do love him a lot, but I won’t commit to him unless he clearly proves he’s different now and fully committed to me and our future together.
The challenge going forward is making it work or finalizing it with friendship. I need to feel safe with him after all that has happened.. First and foremost, he must demonstrate conclusively that she is permanently removed from his life, considering the harm she has inflicted on me.
I’ve got two months to figure out where my best life lies. Typically, when I’m ready to write about it, moving on and finding the solution is easier. We shall see.
