I was packing up my things when the power went out in the freezing rain. Suddenly, I had hours to sit in the dark. I thought about how this year ended. Being alone with no distractions forced a kind of reflection that only shows up when everything goes quiet.
This year stretched me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. In recent months, I spent time talking with someone new, and those conversations brought clarity faster than expected. He asked if I would stay local if we dated. He also offered to help find me an apartment. I realized I couldn’t say yes. I’ve lived through relationships where I minimized myself to make something work. I’m not doing that anymore.
What I want now isn’t complicated, but it is non negotiable. I want mutual commitment, presence, honesty, and real effort. I want laughter, adventure, and old fashioned communication. I want a relationship that feels like a partnership, not a placeholder. That isn’t a wishlist. It’s a baseline.
Sitting in the cold darkness, grateful for the friends who checked in, I realized how much has changed. I don’t want to merely exist alongside someone. I want to live fully. I want warmth, spontaneity, deep conversation, and someone who meets life head on. And if that person isn’t here yet, I’m still moving forward.
Tomorrow, I’m driving to the Great Lakes to photograph the high waves. Camera packed. Weather respected. This year has been about facing fear. I’ve had to leave behind what isn’t meant for me, even when I wanted it badly. Especially then.
2025 ended in darkness, literally and figuratively. But it also clarified something important. I know what I deserve now. I trust myself to walk toward it. And I understand that darkness doesn’t signal the end. Sometimes it’s just the pause before you choose differently.
