I was doing such a great job packing my stuff today when all of a sudden the power went out due to freezing rain. In the past four hours, I had a lot of time to think. Think about everything that happened in 2025 and how it all ended.
This past week has been interesting and I wanted to share on a podcast tonight, but the power went out. In a way, I’ve been very lonely these past few months. Recently, I have been conversing with someone and it’s been enlightening. I was saying how I was moving away from this area because, although I own a magazine here, I need to feel that happiness in my heart again. My heart. On my own terms.
He asked if I’d stay if we started dating as he would find me an apartment. I explained that, no I would not stay because I’ve already been through two relationships that were not in my best interest. Seeing so much abuse and knowing how men succumb to it, leaves me with choosing me first.
I explained that the next romance I have is going to evolve and be something very powerful. Something that no one or no move will put a divide to. I explained I wanted someone full time, but I will not put in full-time effort if they are not going to do so as well. I felt so proud for saying this. Finally, my voice and my needs spoken. It’s the boundaries I always needed. I said to him that if it works out, I do own a business in this area and I will be coming frequently. However, anyone that wants to be in my life will have to do the same in return. That’s mutual love. This is what I want:
No agenda. No scheduled nights. Don’t text if you’re mad, call me and share your heart to its fullest. Phone me when you want, drop in if you want and sleep over! What a great surprise and I will probably say “Do you have to leave?” the next day!” You don’t have to call at 10pm to say goodnight. It’s not a pre-requisite. If you’re busy, call at 8 or 9! It’s a companionship, not a jail. Love, true love, is supposed to be free, loving and always exciting if you put in the effort! This is what I’ve learned in the past years. People want and accept that, but it’s not for me! I want so much more.
Then, I realized maybe I’m different. I don’t want half ass, I want the whole ass. What I mean is I want trust, devotion, honesty, fun caring and adventure.
I have so much more to share my next podcast, but this is just very brief because I’m sitting here all myself with the power out and very chilly. I’ve had two amazing friends reach out to me and offered to pick me up or I go there and sleep at their place. I don’t know anyone more blessed than I am with the friends that I have.
Tomorrow I’ve decided, that since I’m bringing 2025 out in the complete darkness, I’m also going to face the wind tomorrow. There is supposed to be record waves on all of the Great Lakes. I am going to be up and at em and head to Port Stanley with my cameras waterproofed to witness this amazing beauty that I’ve always wanted to see. I did not ask this fella to come with me, as I’m sure he’d think I’m nuts. However, this is the type of man I’d want in my life. Someone who will be “let’s do this and let’s go!” I don’t think there really is that person though. I feel the last partner was always a wolf in sheep’s clothing and today, that’s fine. I accept it and move forward. So I’ll do it alone.
I hope that someday I find someone in my life who really loves an adventure. Life is way too short for people who want to be in your life and half not, as they contemplate being with someone else. I have moved on and they can watch all that they want. I have a proxy stalker too. I know who it is. Someone who will never trust their counterpart and they know I’m honest. I dealt with it too with the same person. I get it. A man-child afraid, abused all of his life and wanting it all, but everyone else holds the key. You can watch me, but rest assured, I’ll never ever communicate again because I deserve more than some dude looking at the past while making me the blame that he had to do it. He didn’t have to do a thing but accept my boundaries. He couldn’t and that’s ok. He opened the door to deserving so much more and you have him. The same way you lef him for someone else. I’m relieved that I don’t have to deal with the non-responsive arguments until he’s drunk. The copious cases of 3/4 cans of beer he drank until I took it to the beer store leaking everywhere. The sneakiness he felt was valid rather than trying to fight for love. His love for me was fake. A blanket of comfort for him. Both you and him can show me how much in love you are by leaving me alone. Until then, I question the motives. At the end of day, he’s watching and he knows what he lost as he had to succumb to your control to get his son. Ya, that’s exactly the love I don’t want.
Although I’m cold and in the dark on this December night, I know I love myself, and I know that I deserve so much more than what 2025 presented to me. It was shit, but man did I grow!
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS58toCXd
I don’t think this dude and I are going to work out. Not that he isn’t nice or kind, but I’m just a very different individual who wants someone to live rather than exist. I dealt with it for far too long with my last two partners.
when I get power, stay tuned for my next podcast. It is gonna be a great end to a positive year ahead.
PS. This is all voice to text and I can’t change or edit. I shall do that tomorrow after my adventure.
