Two years ago, I did something that was completely uncharacteristic of me. I inquired about a seasonal trailer in a trailer park. I did not even know if I wanted a trailer. I wanted to check out the vibe. I wanted to see if it would feel right. So off my ex partner, my grandson, and I went to Lambton Shores. Orchard View Park.

Upon arrival, the space, the playground, and the feeling of nature sucked me in. A year earlier, you would not have caught me even considering this. And here I was, ready to spend thousands of dollars on this tin can heaven.

The first year, I really enjoyed it. Albeit, we only had two short months before the park closed for the season.

Last year, I enjoyed it even more. Even the trailer park toilets did not bother me. Over time, I fell in love with the northern lights, the fireflies, and the moon. It was absolute heaven for me. When the season ended, I literally cried. I was going back to a place I no longer loved. I knew my relationship was coming to an end, and I also had the shittiest landlord on Earth.

Little did I realize that the lessons I learned during this season of my life were necessary. I needed to see abuse for what it actually was. I saw people who were too weak to be the best versions of themselves. I saw the need for control, even when it made someone else’s life miserable.

Someone once said to me, “Trina, you make everyone’s dreams come true. You always have. Now it is time to make yours come true.” That was my ex husband, and I thought he was bullshitting me. But he was not wrong. Every action I took was always tied to someone else. Yes, it made me happy to accomplish goals, but they were never just mine.

There is not a person in my life that I did not encourage to see the best in themselves. I helped them see their value. And then, at the end of the day, they either left or I got fed up trying. I loved them all deeply. But there comes a point where you are pouring in too much love, believing too hard, and finally realizing it is falling on deaf ears.

One day in December, after yet another issue with my landlord, I made a decision. I was moving closer to the trailer, and I was doing it immediately. Less than two months later, here I am. In heaven.

I was driving around running errands yesterday, and I could not stop smiling. I did it. I did it alone. I did it for me. Sure, I will miss my children and grandchildren, but they are only an hour and a half away. I used to drive an hour to work every day without thinking twice. When it comes to the people I love, I will do that too whenever they need me. The same goes for a partner. I did that too, numerous times. If you have love, it will always be within reach to be together and reciprocal.

But right now, in this very moment, I am doing this for me.

I have a long road this next week, but I am hoping this too goes as it is supposed to. I have come to realize that I made a deal with the wrong person last year. Knowing other people in that area, I experienced the exact abuse that I witnessed firsthand for the past five years. Big tears. Silent treatment. Expecting me to keep running back. I am not. I am taking control of myself and my future. I know I deserve more than that in my next twenty years. Others can do it, but I’m not a monkey at a circus anymore.

Right now, though, I celebrate me. The paint table is out. I am ready to get creative with this amazingly light heart I am feeling. I have no doubt this time that it will work. My gut is not screaming as it has so many times in the past six years.

Cheers!

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