It’s August 27, 2019, I thank God today for the smile I put on my face when driving listening to that silly Anchorman Soundtrack on my phone. You see it’s the first time I wasn’t lost in thought thinking of you or spewing tears down my face because of the damage done to me.

I read the blog about being 17 years married and I realize that I may have given you a “hall pass” for all your indiscretions. The puzzle pieces are coming together now. I finally realized that your respect for me was NULL for many years…maybe even 30 years. You just depended on me like a Mom.

I also thank God for November 14, 2018. I was happy. I was playing 45 records. I took Chloe for a walk and then cleaned our room. We just bought a king size bed that you so desperately wanted. For some crazy ass reason I was gravitated to your tablet sitting on your nightstand. I have never looked at your phone or tablet before. But it’s obvious a higher power that forced me to look for the first time. I am happy your double personality was finally revealed to me.

I don’t think it was any more than 10 minutes before my whole life toppled over quicker than the Twin Towers on September 11. The tears and the pain was unbearable. I didn’t want to live. You were busy working and just didn’t have the time. You went to the Keg for dinner with the GM, because it was very important that you did so.

I started making this video, but the details are so long, I stopped. I can’t be bothered because anyone who is thinking of cheating is at the point where they don’t care what another spouse of a cheater feels after they find out. But I want you to see just the beginning. Never forget November 14-16, 2019 and the pain, tears and agony that you caused me. I hope your words in this video ring through your head for a long long time. I played it to my therapist this week, a husband should never use the term “dumb cow” with any woman let alone their wife.

The Drugs

I remember the day clearly. In fact, it was one year ago when you revealed your addiction. I didn’t want to know anything. After all the years of suffering with drug and alcohol abuse, you’d think my husband would have been extra cautious. That said, addictions can happen to anyone. So for that, I can forgive you. I can’t forgive you smoking up with my daughter when I was so passionate about NO drug use throughout their teen years. That’s where you should have respected me and said no.

The Women

The women. We know what kind of women you were seeing. Not only did you have a wife, but you have a daughter too. The objectification of women just makes me ill. No respect for us two women in your life what so ever. We won’t even go there on the life lessons you’ve displayed to your son.

I often worry about who you’re with now. I’ve been encouraged to stop worrying about you and worry about me. This week with my therapist, I realized one thing. You have three to four years on me cause you cheated. You’ve already met women. Know how to act around women. But the women you know are not me. They will give you whatever you want, when you want. How can you possibly meet a wholesome nice funny family girl, like me, in light of your experience and deception? Because “honey bunny”, you had the best.

I’m alone and why is that? Because, I’m mourning 30 years and, as a respectable woman, that’s a fair thing to do. I’m finding myself and deciding what I want. You told me that I’d grab onto someone right away. You couldn’t be more wrong. I want a man who wants me, who will appreciate my loveliness (including my will to stand up for myself and others), will laugh with me, and who will love every fantastic part of me. I don’t need someone as a FWB or someone who will take me or leave me at their beck and call. I deserve more than that and I certainly deserve 100% more than you.

Your Job

You choosing your job over your family is the most disgusting of all. Everything else could have been worked on with intensive therapy. Now the kids have to choose whether they go to their significant other’s house, mom’s house or dad’s on holidays. What a completely unfair thing to do. All of this fiasco was your doing, you should have followed me, focused on my mental health simply because you’ve never done that before in your life. This is why I know that you never did love me. Family and love always comes first, and I still believe that love conquers all.

Remember that guy at your work in Cambridge? He spent so much time away from the office to spend time with his wife and child? His marriage was going down the tubes. She found out that he had an online “friend”. You made fun of his wife for thinking it was anything serious. He was, and probably still is a good man, he took the time to work on what was most important in life and I applaud him for choosing his family. I hope he gave up the online “friend” and you shouldn’t have made fun of his wife for being hurt.

You chose what you chose. Your job or your co-workers will never be at your bedside when you’re sick or on your deathbed. I can assure you that I won’t be either. You’ve made my family, a family of three with spouses/significant others. You are no longer family after choosing your job and you never will be. You not only let your wife down, you let down everyone. That’s not love.

Our Separation

“People said to not talk to you, Trina. Me not communicating was to help you heal”. You said this to me and I thought that was a LAME cop out. You’re a grown man and you were my husband for 24 years and partner for 30. If you didn’t have the guts to say “Fuck You, she’s my wife and I care for her well being and I’m going to check in on her”, then you are coward. Point blank. You didn’t even have to acknowledge, you just had to answer a text or phone me when I was reaching out. I got crickets. Nothing.

From what I can see today, you wanted this to happen the exact way it was happening. You could have accepted me in Ottawa with you so you didn’t have to give up anything. But for how long? My guess you would have been on Leo’s list quicker than I could ever imagine. Possibly, I would have been so hurt and in love that I would have believed your words. Only to be hurt once again. You had to give up something for me after all that you did. You couldn’t.

The New Dodge Ram Truck

What were we? A month and a half broken up before you upgraded my truck? The truck that I claimed as a business expense and now I’ll have to claim as a profit? I have zero information on the sale! What do I do now?

Who signed the ownership because I sure didn’t? The agreement was to gift each other our vehicles so you could keep the truck. You couldn’t wait. Replace the wife with a truck. Just like you did in 1999 when I had my car repossessed, with two little kids, and you bought yourself a car.

Well this is how it’s happening now after much discussion with my therapist. I am a person. I have rights. I was abused emotionally since November with your unavailability because of work and your “health”. I deserved the respect of you asking me to sign the ownership of the truck since it was in my name. I didn’t get that either.

I have written the ombudsman of Service Ontario. I want a complete investigation as to who signed the ownership and we shall take it from there. It goes against the Highway Traffic Act, which is a criminal offense, and they will decide how to proceed on their end. I will decide how to proceed with the forgery.

And by the way, you tell everyone that your company pays for your truck? Your payment is over $700+, your company covers only $450 of it. Our last truck payment was $520 and we decided we’d absorb the costs. Stop lying. You continued to destroy me by replacing me for a truck. It appears many guys do that though.

Your Health Issues

In April of this year, you informed me, and me only, that you had health issues. I kept your secret and was worried sick about your health. I said to you that while I could not go to Ottawa, you could come here. I would get the family doctor back. I would make sure we found you specialists. But Nope! I also gave you another alternative, I could pay for one of the kids to go and help you. You said no. I told you numerous times that there was an insurance that we have that will give you some financial security of $20,000.

I couldn’t keep your secret from the kids and I advised you to tell them. You did. You said not to worry as you’ll be fighting it. I was so worried about you and felt enormous guilt for standing my ground and not coming to Ottawa to help you. This is my nature, to care. But, I had a gut feeling, that’s all.

There was many nights I prayed you were lying to me. Then I thought, if he’s lying to me, that’s pretty shitty too. God, I still hope you were lying to me.

In light of it all, this was your thing from April to July. I don’t know if you have this health issue or not, first and foremost, you never did claim that insurance, which for me raises red flags. I even wrote to you and cc’d the insurance guy to initiate the claim. Thus far, you haven’t reached out.

During your treatment, we found this Google review written on your account. I don’t know who travels to Montreal, drinks beer and tequila and texts his ex-wife that he’s in bed dying with no one to help him during his health crisis.

A month ago, you said I was never there for you when you were sick. As far as your Crohn’s goes, I’d have to be there for you 24/7 for the past twenty years because every day you complained about it. That said, last year, I did a lot of the house maintenance to sell the house because “I thought” your health problems were Crohn’s related. I made you oils to massage you back and legs daily while you withered in pain. I didn’t get mad, I was very concerned. We both know now that it wasn’t Crohn’s related and I now question what was and wasn’t Crohn’s related all these years. Please don’t put that on me. I did everything alone…parties, gatherings, groceries, outings. I did it for you and your desire to stay home all the time.

My Social Media

As you can see, the torture didn’t stop when I left on February 17th, it continued with all kinds of deception and brain games. It has continued to fuck me up for months. That’s a lot for one mentally distraught woman to take. So what do I do? Tell the truth, like I have for years.

Some people have cajoled me for my social media activities. I can understand because for the most part, I always shared my happy life. I smile to these commenters, thank them for their concern, and say I know what I’m doing because I’ve been doing it all my life. You just never paid attention.

My kids know this about me. They’ve never told me to stop either. I want them to live loud too. I want them to speak against injustice, hurt and truth. Whether they do or not is their choice. I am Trina Stewart and this is who I am.

Dear Ex-husband, I’ve always fought for injustice. You of all people know this. My Aunt? Remember that? Did I regret it? Nope

Remember the time I took a stand against workplace bullying and told my story to a business magazine and sent it to the Board of Directors? Did I regret it? Nope

How about the time I spent hours at Clayton Ruby’s office in Yorkville digging up info to prove a fraud? And then, I was part of a group lawsuit and was sued for $2.5 Million dollars? Thankfully, with my partial efforts, he was found guilty and spent a little “time”. The lawsuit, well I think that’s gonzo after being charged and found guilty.

Did I regret it? Yes I did. I said I would never stand up for justice again. But here’s the thing. During the years of 2013 to 2018 I kept saying to you, “What is the lesson in this?” I quickly realized in therapy that this situation wasn’t a lesson, it was preparation for something far bigger. It was preparing me to get stronger, get wiser, gave me the ability to speak my truth, think of myself, lose weight and gain self confidence because the worst was yet to come. So yes, here I am doing it again and I have droves of women in the same position as myself emailing me and posting on my wall daily, especially when I write.

This whole situation prepared me for the lesson. The man I adored and loved, who hurt me so badly, was the lesson. And, I am your lesson. To quote my favourite psychic, “How much more of a godsmack can you get when your partner of 30 years leaves you?”

Please get off your high horse and stop telling people that I’m so “bad” with my social media. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for you. This is not stooping to your level, this is doing what I’ve been doing for many years. Please tell that to your “lawyer” and if I’m committing some criminal or civil injustice, I’d be happy to plead guilty to living my life with truth at the forefront – all my life.

Funny, had this not happened, I would still be writing and posting about what a great guy and husband you are. Check out these past blog posts that I will never erase. It was a different time, a different life. But it was my truth at the time. There are many like this!

Conclusion to this Marriage

I am so much stronger today than I was on November 14th, 2018. I have fallen off the wagon and drank copious amount of rye where my Air Miles can now take me to far off places. I’m never scared to admit my faults. I feel now that I’m grounded. I don’t have a man in my life, and nor do I want one. I want to be healthy and the fabulous woman that I was, before I jump into anything.

People have asked whether you’re supporting me in any way. I said “Nope, not emotionally or financially since February 17, 2018.” What a shame, they said. I still have someone very close to you asking me “What are you thinking about now? Are you ok?” No, I’m not OK, but I’m working towards being OK for myself, for you and other people in my life.

Dear Ex-husband, if I never see you again, it would still be too soon. You’ve cut me to the core because you were my one and only. I loved you so darn much. I still smile when I think of the person you pretended to be, but not the person you revealed to me. I do not miss you or lie in bed at night wanting your hugs. How can someone love someone so much for so long, only to see them as their #1 enemy months later? I’ll tell you – Lies and Deceit.

At one time, I believed the story that you told. While you were fooling yourself, you were fooling me unintentionally. That said, my previous blog posts have helped me realize that this was not true. No matter what we go through in our lives, human decency should always be in the forefront. If you don’t have that human decency to not hurt someone else, then unfortunately, it’s ego playing a huge part of your life. Just like not helping me financially and telling me you’d quit your job and now you’re fighting me, it’s simply human decency to help due to the pain you’ve caused. You need to live, but unfortunately you were living well for many years behind my back. I’ve lost almost ten months of my life grieving and 30 years being played a fool. That deserves something. If it’s nothing, then I will use my voice to help others heal.

Give this song a listen. It was written just for you and it’s not country music. I’m now going to do what I have done for the past three weeks, go to the mail and see if your lawyer has responded.

I hope this is the last time I can write about you and my pain in one blog post. I hope I can move forward and continue to help those that are in deep emotional pain right now for the very same reason as I am.

Sincerely,

Trina Stewart

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Swinging single on the branch of life. She loves concert photography, hanging out with her single and married besties, and cooking. Stay tuned!

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