Well this is water week where I go back in time and document my life. It’s been interesting to say the least really looking and thinking about the patterns of my life. The past weekend has been reviewing the people and events that has moulded our being. Those people who are the emotional drainers and the emotional energy providers. There are some people in my life that drain me, but then provide a huge boost of energy when I need it most. There are others who just suck the life out of you completely. I don’t think I have one person who keeps me energized 24/7. I don’t know if that’s really meant to be as we all truly have our ups and our downs.
I think at this point of the game, many women assume that the thorn is the hubby and get quickly rid of them. Many of the motivational speakers of our time made their big break after they had the big breakup (Eat, Pray, Love and Tosca Reno to name two of them). However, we must keep in mind that this is only a minuscule percentage of the hundreds of millions single women we see on a daily basis. I also believe that these people had to do a lot of inner soul searching in order to admit their part of the break-up as well.
So with that said and after much deep thought, I say to you that despite the fact that my husband will never be allowed in the room when I try my luck at stand-up comedy, and even though I do not invite him when I go out dancing or karaoke, I think I’ll keep him. He’s a very caring individual who will listen when times are tough and is open to all of my crazy ideas for the family and myself. He understands my need to get out of the house and have time alone. I understand his obsessive need to play video games and to have supper every night. He cooks, he cleans and he loves. He can be an asshole at times, but then again, I can be a perfect bitch at times as well.
We do not control each other or give our opinions on the other’s personal growth or needs to grow.
I know that I could possibly forgive him for any wrong doing because I know in my heart that sometimes we all make mistakes. I’m a free spirit who realizes that we all change and we all innately must blunder now and then. It has nothing to do with the other person, it has everything to do with us changing and reaching new levels of life.
After being with him since I was 15, I know how much we have changed as individuals. Good and bad, my kid’s are the luckiest children on earth because they have parents who realize this and work through it rather than ignore it. Boy, I must say, our relationship is far from perfect simply because nothing is perfect. Staying together sometimes is the hardest decision to make. I see so many single parents, who are single because the pretty white wedding gown didn’t want to get dirty through the tough times.
Our parents and children are chosen for us with no need for a big ceremony and promises. However, we chose this one individual on our own and committed to love and respect til death do us part. Why is this one so easy to let go of when they are the only one we are promising anything to? Many times I’ve asked myself if we are all supposed to be single at the end of the day since promises mean nothing to anyone anymore.
I said to my boss one day that I choose two people in my life to be either equal or superior than myself. These two people are my boss and my husband. So I stated “I don’t allow my husband treat me like an idiot, so he sure as hell isn’t going to get away with it.” I shortly left the job.
As I state this, I do realize that there are many relationships which are mentally and physically abusive at many levels. I actually applaud those women and men who take the road out the door and to discover a new life. However, it is a known fact that these type of people take longer to leave (if ever) than those who just throw in the towel because of boredom or something is missing. It seems like there’s no such thing as second chances after the locks have been changed. This sort of break-up we generally see the sad spouse who is struggling versus the so happy to be partying with my friends….until the sad one finds love again and the other has a change of heart.
I have lived with the experience of being separated for a year and living the single life with children. It’s not a walk in the part, it’s emotionally draining and very hard on the heart. Providing each other a second chance at love was the best thing we ever did for us and for our children.
This journey has been fun and made me really think about my significant relationship with my spouse. At the end of the day, friends are awesome, children leave, and some are lucky enough to see their parents live until they reach old age..however, the only person we depend on to listen and crave constant love from is with the person we hop in bed with nightly.
I hope that your journey finds you safe in the arms of your significant other. I will keep you updated on mine
