I’d like to get your opinion on how a partner ought to approach the sex toy issue if they were looking to introduce something without scaring you off.

Here’s a scenario for you. Mr and Mrs Smith have been together for over a decade, they’ve been married for 7 years and have three kids. Their sexual activity has slowed down to fortnightly (at best) and they rarely take the time to experiment because they usually have to steal a moment  rather than forward planning.

Take this scenario and you can apply it to just about every household of similar proportions i.e. been together a while+married+kids=less sex.

In order to spice things up, the husband decides to look into all the hype about choosing your first sex toy; he visits a well-known online sex website and is quite bewildered at all the different things you can get. In fact there is so much choice that he gets cold feet because he doesn’t know which one is most likely to seem “normal” for this already risky idea.

Despite the fact there is plenty of evidence to show 50% or more have or will at some stage use a sex toy, it seems somewhat unusual that our man has such a problem building up the courage for something so…. common?

I’m not suggesting he should just turn up in the bedroom with something he saw on a porn movie as a teenager and expect you to instantly start moaning like one of the actresses in said movie.

No, this is nothing so seedy, this is simply a matter of being able to openly talk about and suggest introducing some sort of gadget to the bedroom.

If you’re one of those women who wish their other half would make the effort, then I have some tips for you, from a man, on how you can make him feel more comfortable approaching the subject.

1. Talk about it – This is something men are always told to do because women like to talk about things as opposed to shrugging and grunting to every question.

If he “casually” mentions sex toys, then engage him in the conversation. In this way you help him relax and open up about his intentions.

2. Read – There is so much in mainstream magazines like Marie Claire that talk about sex toys, you can casually leave any such copies in places he would be likely to see them. His simple male logic will tell him, “She’s reading about it, must want one herself.”

3. Take the lead – Men live in constant fear that they will say or do the wrong thing, even if they mean well, when it comes to suggesting something new in the bedroom or commenting on your latest outfit. When it comes to sex toys, you could go as far as leading the conversations until he just comes out with it and suggests something different.

These are just a couple I could come up with, so please add your own suggestions in the comments on how you would like your other half to approach the subject. Once we have enough suggestions, perhaps we can circulate this bit of advice to unsuspecting men and get them to sort us out!

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