Well, I guess the story of my divorce is over. Sadly, my ex-husband passed away on May 14, 2023 after a fierce battle of cancer. It would have been our 29th wedding anniversary. My heart breaks; For my children, for my grandson, for him and myself. It truly is a very sad story that can’t be written in a simple blog post.
The story of us is not complete and I’m sure we will have to deal with more hurdles in our life. Whatever happens, I’m certain that there is no one else in this world who I would want to share them with. Good or bad, it has always been him.https://lifesablog.ca/2011/02/how-marriage-and-struggling-makes-love/
I did a lot of thinking the past few days. The journey of our divorce was a roller coaster ride the first two years. It was an emotional journey from hell for me. For him, I will never know now. There are lot of questions I still have but I felt that I’d never get an answer to. I still prayed that one day that we’d get to that point where I could ask them. Not anymore and that’s heartbreaking.
While we communicated briefly over the years, it took a softer and kinder tone prior to his diagnosis. Sure, it was all business, but it was better.
I discontinued spousal support since I was finally on my feet. My character changed. I felt softer, stronger, and more confident than ever in who I am as a person and what I can do. He was very thankful as well.
After his diagnosis, a few kind notes of encouragement were sent and I received responses. This was a good thing within the emotional journey of divorce.
No Regrets and Truly Thankful
I will admit that I wanted to see him during his eight month struggle. Something was holding me back. The word “should” comes into play here. I should visit (judgement.). However, I read over every text message and email, sent and received, before making my decision. I realized that I chased and chased and chased like a mad fool to the point where I was at the epitome of sadness and hurt. I decided that if he wanted to see me, he would have asked. I sent random kind notes instead.
Alas, he didn’t and that’s ok, as I allow everyone now to make their own choices that feels best for them. I also don’t allow anyone to guilt or sway me based on their opinions or feelings. Being OK with someone’s choices is very freeing.
I’m at peace with everything. I did everything I could on my end to reach peace in the past few years and, for the most part, we accomplished that task quite well.
Tomorrow, I’ll be attending the Celebration of Life with my dying Mom and my family. We are there to support my children who have done an amazing job during my ex-husband’s fight. I can honestly say that I’ve never been prouder of anyone in this World. They are my true heroes.
Furthermore, I have my friend and partner to thank. The first two years of my separation, I truly felt that my ex-husband and I were the greatest love story ever told. However, I’ve known for a long time that it was my vision only. My friend has been steadfast in helping me with my Mom and through this current wave of emotions. He’s one in a million and I’m so thankful that he doesn’t give up on me. We may not be the greatest love story, but it sure feels great to be wanted, loved, heard and appreciated. God sent me what I needed in the perfect exact moment that I needed it.
Memories Never Forgotten
I found this old video a few weeks ago that I made during my healing process. I did it to rid myself of the left over anger and show gratitude for a lives that was created. He gave me many gifts above and beyond my children, which are first on my gratitude list. He gave me strength, courage, self love, the ability to hold my head high in any situation and to see people for who they are and not the fictional character that I create in my head. Had he not let me go, I wouldn’t have achieved that level of self confidence and strength. For that, I’m thankful for him.
Rest in Peace
Life is a battle for all that’s for sure. I know that I only wished the best for him, his career, and his new relationship that he started with someone else. It truly sounded that he was moving ahead happily in his life. When I was informed of his life, I was surprised just how peaceful and thankful I was about his personal journey.
Life can be so cruel and I pray that he’s at peace. Such a very sad ending. Rest in Peace.