I took a long drive today where I listened to the Dumb Blonde Podcast. Bunnie, Jelly Roll’s wife, is host of the podcast. This episode she questioned her step-daughter,Bailee Ann. It’s was a no hold bar discussion where they shared details of events that gave full custody to Jelly Roll and Bunnie. It’s awesome that Bailee Ann was strong enough to see for herself, at a young age, the reality of her very traumatic situation. What I love about them is that they are raw and, when people are raw the truth comes out.
In all of her podcasts, she’s like me, tell it like it is and hide no flaws about yourself or the people who touch your life.
This made me think a lot about the abuse that I experienced from a toxic abusive ex of my partner, the past five years. When I write, I want to point out that most of this is for me. I do not publicly share on my social. It’s in preparation for my book. If someone happens to fall on it, and can learn something from it, great. If it angers them, then they’ll just have to deal with it. I will never say names.
The Beginning
I met this really nice guy on Tinder. You know the drill. He was four years separated, and I was only a couple of months separated. We met. We clicked. Not one sign of a woman living in his house. No feminine touch at all. Then, about five months in of spending every day together, his ex-wife chimes in about a wedding they were to attend as a family. She also asked if they were going to be intimate? Bizarre…..Anyway, he went, they did, and it was over. I used to pop over now and again, but was told in no condition was I to call or text on Friday. Friday was “their” time. As well, he couldn’t talk to me at precisely 10PM because that was the only time he was allowed to phone her every night. hmm….manipulative. I also found it odd that she never just “popped in” for a friendly visit or maybe a meal. He spent his 50th alone, so I brought him a cupcake. Again, very odd for someone who said they loved someone else. They also have two children who can fend for themselves, so that was a lame excuse.
Long story short, I didn’t talk to him for a year. He had notes on the fridge of what he wasn’t allow to say or do and then they broke up for the 891st time. She proceeded to call me a home wrecker even though they were split up and saw each other on Fridays. That was dependant on whether she was talking to him or not. He was actually having sexual relations with someone else, not me. I was the target. Anyway, I’ve written all about this. We started hanging out again and eventually a relationship formed. This was the beginning of when my mental health really took a turn.
Child Support
If a child isn’t in school, the Father is no longer obliged to pay child support. It’s the law. However, when my partner presented these facts, she blamed it all on me. So much so, that my best friend didn’t even want to be friends with me anymore (note: we are friends again). Seriously, anyone with a half a brain can Google family law and it was there in black and white. She was doing her best to slowly drive me crazy. She had a boyfriend, but she also had an axe to grind with me. She also didn’t want to see her ex-husband happy again.
The Dog
I know I’ve been asked not to write about the dog as it’s a “pretty personal thing.” Well J, so is my mental health, and that of anyone reading this who is in a relationship and dealing with an abusive ex partner. While I’m slowly becoming a strong independent woman again, it’s very important to speak about abuse, as many second partners have to deal with an abusive ex.
Anyway, their family dog had to be put down shortly after I started dating him again. There was no way that my partner was allowed to go and say goodbye to the dog he loved. “Mom is paying for it, so she’s coming.” My heart broke in two for my partner. She was punishing him for having me in his life. Again, she had someone too, but she needed that control. Most narcissists do. I told him to march straight up to her house, and demand to see his dog. He didn’t. He probably didn’t want to meet the new guy or something. I have never ever seen anything so abusive and cruel in all of my life. It killed me to see him cry.
He claims, she recently apologized that it was incredibly rude….RUDE? No that wasn’t rude, it was RUTHLESS and CONTROLLING. However, she could send “thank you for the leftover texts” during our relationship, but not that very significant apology about the dog. We’ll wait until they breakup. The timing of a narcissist is uncanny really.
She didn’t give a shit about that dog or her ex. If she did, she would have let the dog’s father say goodbye. A dog is family. It was all about her and her bruised ego.
Naked Photos and Leftovers
The fun didn’t stop there. From his family totally despising me, for no other reason but her thoughts, his son also wouldn’t talk to him.
He had a ton of naked photos of her on her phone. This was August 2022. He claimed he didn’t know he still had them and that they were old. I believed him, but I moved a lot of my stuff out. Then, my Dad fell and died.
However, in December of 2022, she was also texting him and thanking him for leftovers that he clearly gave to his daughter. This was after my Father passed. Nice eh? She knew my mental state wasn’t top notch, because I would text my best friend from time to time, and I’m sure it got back to her. He wouldn’t not tell her to stop as it was harming our relationship.
I’m starting to wonder if he was actually communicating all that time, and that he did give the leftovers to her. No worries, I’m not the type of person not to see the whole picture.
Time to End the Insanity
On December 10th, I tried to call her and What’s App her to finally have a grown up discussion and to ask her to back off. She wouldn’t answer. I texted some pretty forthright and honest stuff. It wasn’t nice at all. Be a woman. If you’re gonna spread shit, talk to the person.
At that point, his daughter even hated me because his ex has zero boundaries in creating havoc and anxiety when it came to her father and I. Straight up, deal with me, why get everyone and their dog involved? Problem is, you also involved a dog at one time too. Please don’t hide and shoot your mouth off to everyone, especially your kids who is supposed to be encouraged to love their Father. His relationships should be NONE of their business.
I stood my ground though. No one should have to tolerate the abuse from an ex for ANYONE. In fact, I used to say to him when I lived with him for a short period, that if anything happened to him, the locks would be changed and all my stuff would go with yours. After this whole debacle, I no longer question it, it would be fact.
I also feel that those photos may have been sent throughout the duration of our relationship too. There is nothing I would put past this woman. She was very much like my husband. All sweet and innocent to everyone around them, but the devil lurks inside if you so much do anything where they lose control.
I Did it Through Tears
When she applied for divorce, she made some lame excuse about him getting everything if she died. If she was bright, she would know that after three years separated, you have claim to nothing. However, I can see how that would sting my partner and I was empathetic. Asked him how he felt about it all. He basically said, she “did it through tears.” I’m like that sounds familiar, but I can’t recall the last time she said it, but she did. I immediately said, “Ya, this is a tactic for you not to sign the divorce papers and come back to her.” She used that corny line before to you when she was pursuing you.
So now that we’ve broken up, I can almost picture that things was warming up now that I’m not in the picture and she’s regained a little sense of control again. That’s ok. It’s how he chooses to live and that’s OK. For myself, no ex, child or family member will ever dictate who I can love and spend my life with.
Going back to Bunnie, Jelly Roll and their daughter, yes, they call her their daughter and I love it. The most purest form of loving someone past and present is honouring those that they choose to love. You don’t have to love or like them, but treating them like a human is a 100% necessity. Once a relationship is over, it’s over. Very few rekindled romances ever work. There are times still where I feel I’m going crazy over the treatment from this woman and his family. I didn’t even get a “Deepest sympathy” from his Father. I was just so astounded. How my partner couldn’t speak up, I have no idea. Control, abuse, and complacency, I imagine. It’s sad. I still love him and it breaks my heart every day knowing that he could be such a stronger human being if he dealt with it.
My Ex’s Partner
So to honour myself right now, because I need to, this is how I handled my ex-husband’s ex-girlfriend. They lived together for close to 8 months (I think). They broke up, and he went to Cambridge. However, when he died, I didn’t think anyone was communicating with her. So, I took it upon myself to send her the following. I didn’t think it was fair for her to see it on Facebook. If he was still with her when he died, I would have went straight to her and offered my sympathies. Maybe, even give her a hug, because losing someone is horrible.
Letting go is hard. Seeing your ex with someone else stings. But, being the bigger person and not being abusive, is priceless. You can sleep well at night, every night. I hope fewer people have to go through, what I went through, for loving someone.
Canadian Crisis Hotline for Mental Health Issues
If you ever feel like your in an abusive relationship and your mental health is in question, never forget, 9-8-8 is the number to dial if you’re ever feeling helpless and in crisis. Being a second partner can be a horrible experience if you’re not with a partner who will stand up for you and love you as you deserve to be loved. An abuse ex can cause so much trouble that, no matter what your partner does, they won’t stop.
I’ve had to call this number a couple of time since the death of my parents and loss of my partner.
I am so happy that this is all over with, but I’m still dealing with the mental side of it. He hasn’t been stalking me lately, so I’m pretty sure those notes are back on the fridge and the “I did it through tears” is in full force.
