There is no magic potion to live day after day with the same man. There are days where I sit, cry and wonder why I am with him? For the most part though, our life has been simple, easy, and great.
Yesterday was my seventeenth anniversary, and my husband revealed that he was going through a mid life depression. He wasn’t happy in his marriage, work, with the kids, and really didn’t know what to think anymore.
So reason one of why we lasted more than 10 years is how I dealt with this revelation that he wasn’t happy in his marriage.
I didn’t take it personally. Marriage is a verb. Life is a ride we take alone but will a variety of partners and followers.
If you’re not enjoying your own solo ride of life, of course your marriage along with everything else will seem like its falling apart to.
I quickly explained to my husband that I understand how he feels. However, once I found something that I loved that was completely mine to enjoy, life came together. I always felt to be a writer, I had to write a book. In order to have a voice, I had to be on television or in print. However, here I am writing to you!
I advised him to focus on what he wants to do to find true happiness, then his accomplishments will make everything else bearable and maybe joyful.
Although we are married, we still have different goals and a different mindset on what we consider accomplishments. He feels money is the key to knowing you’ve accomplished a lot in your life. I believe that waking with a smile is the ultimate accomplishment.
I feel very accomplished, where he feels like he hasn’t done anything, despite being the lead in a family, an honoured worker, and a fantastic husband. We don’t have to be looking in the same direction when it comes to our own personal feeling of accomplishment.
So Rule #1 – Don’t tell them how they should feel or how they should act. Respect their feelings. Help them in finding who they are as an individual. Don’t judge. How do we grow as individuals if someone else is stiffling them?
- Did hearing that he wasn’t happy in his marriage upset me? No, it’s only a particle of a bigger picture.
- Do I think he’s an asshole for revealing this? Not at all – he’s a man for revealing this and sharing his feelings with me whether it’s on our anniversary or normal day. If he’s willing to share, I’m willing to listen respectfully.
- Am I worried he will cheat? Somewhat because that may be his outlet in feeling more of an individual. If he does, we’ll deal with it if and when the time ever comes.
- Am I worried he will leave? We’ve built a life together, so yes. However, I went through this stage a few years ago and I loved him enough to make the right choices in self exploration.
So I present to you just one reason why I am married over ten years. I will continue to write about this during the week to honour the past seventeen years together.