I was Meant to Blog About Divorce and Betrayal and Here’s Why

Anything that could happen, did happen to me. I think I’m right up there with the most shocking, torturous, and deceptive separation in history. Maybe not, but for those who haven’t started from the beginning, here’s a quick recap.

  • I gave up my life to support my husband’s career. Sold the house. Gave up my business. Left my kids and friends. All for him. Upon my arrival to our new home six hours away, I informed about a drug addiction. I decided to work on that.
  • While I was working on that, I had my elderly parents dropped on my doorstep. So I had to help them learn a new city, while I was learning and dealing with this addiction news.
  • Once I got them settled, I discovered a completely different husband of 24 years on his tablet his Facebook messages, his Gmail, his Google History and Maps.
  • I signed us up for marriage counselling but he wouldn’t try.
  • I left in February thinking he wouldn’t give up a family after 24 years. He gave up family as quick as I gave up chewing gum.
  • He bought himself a new truck in March. The old truck was in my name and I’m working on this now since I have the paperwork.
  • Got himself a little Chanelle in April to help with an apparent illness.
  • Told a friend “I love Trina as a friend and that’s it.” in July. I gave up any hope at that point and went to a lawyer.
  • My self esteem has been crushed since I haven’t found a job. My mental ability to run my own business just isn’t there. No unemployment. Nothing. I’ve been traumatized.
  • My relationship with my kids and some former friends is questionable at best. I have an issue with feeling safe now. This is not abnormal as many women and men has shared their safety fears with me. We end up not being the happy part of this broken family. The betrayer tends to be settled, calm and very good for the kid’s well being, even though they caused this catastrophe.
  • I was pretty much bat shit crazy the complete year of 2019 and I’m not scared to deny it . Betrayal Trauma isn’t spoken about enough. This community that I’ve created has helped me realize that the betrayer is taken care of, the kids are taken care of, but the betrayed, not so much. We are left to put on a happy face to our kids. Hand them over and see them loving the person that we loved and who hurt us so badly. Some women/men are seeing their kids with their spouses’ new partners. That has to be heartbreaking and scary.

Another Hurdle for 2020

You know the mental and physical stress that betrayal trauma causes on people is astronomical. At this time I’m dealing with a lump on my left vocal cord. It’s classified as urgent and that’s all I really care to share at this time. No one cared when I was in the corner ready to crumble, no one needs to know about me now. Especially him to laugh at me.

Oddly enough, I’m not scared. I think I’ve already survived hell and this is either a challenge or the end of my story. Either way, I’m ok with it. My best was pre-August 2018. I lived a great life before he destroyed it. Finding a new career, new man, new life at this age, I’m ok with whatever God throws my way. I’m really not interested. I do not find it exciting and exhilarating to start over. I’m not the EX.

People say I’m crazy for thinking that way, but maybe my story is to just show people how harmful it is to betray someone, leave them for dead, and pretend that nothing ever happened because of narcissism.

Even as I go through this I giggle at the deceptions. I don’t know what this lump is yet, but every day I literally have to fight for air at times. I am exhausted. I don’t think I could go out and find myself a man to take care of me, drive to a different town for beer and tequila, or even work like he did with his illness. I’m plaid out flat and the last thing I need or desire is a new relationship or a piece of tail. However, everyone is different and has their own personal goals.

Time for Indifference

It’s time to be indifferent with him. The amount of lies told the past few months has been ridiculous. He even lied to me via email and said he didn’t know why I left! I was like that’s ok, keep lying, but you admitted it to your daughter too.

With my health and inability to find work the past year in question, I’m simply asking for what I deserve in this situation. Every last coin. I have spent thousands so far in chasing him down. He’s ran away. He can run all he wants now. He’s not worth it. All he’s worth is what he owes me for doing me so wrong.

Betrayal Trauma and My Story

If my story is about betrayal trauma at its finest, and I can help one other person get through it, I’ll be proud. I’ll be proud if I can be a changemaker to Family Law when betrayal is a component. I feel those who are going through betrayal trauma should be assisted mentally first and foremost. The betrayer should be held accountable and pay whether it’s weekly or monthly therapeutic support. I am composing a letter to my MPP, with a group of individuals, and will eventually be setting up a petition once I’m through the woods with this lump thing.

I pray for all of you going through the trauma, the pain, the sleepless nights, and the years of suffering. The courts may only give one-year to “get over” a marriage, but when you truly loved, want to heal properly, and feel safe again, it can take years and it’s not easy to do it all alone. It has been the worst experience of my life and I pray for you.

This song is very much for those who betrayed you. I hope they are praying for you too.

Written by Trina Stewart

Trina Stewart is the editor-in-chief at Life's a Blog. Currently working through life separated from her husband and finding herself, Trina loves concert photography, hanging out with her single and married besties, and cooking. Stay tuned!

One thought on “I was Meant to Blog About Divorce and Betrayal and Here’s Why

  1. This brought back a lot of memories. I wasn’t married as long as you, only 11 years, but the man I was so “in love” with, was a complete sham. I never knew him at all. He left our family 6 years ago, for one of his many mistresses. Thankfully, I made it through the worst part. 2013 and 2014 were the worst years of my life. I’ve moved on now, but have these huge walls up and won’t let anyone in because I feel like everyone lies, everyone betrays, everyone leaves. Anyway, it’s a long road, but things will get better eventually and you will find a freedom that you never knew existed. Good luck! … I started a blog where I posted about the things I went through. Feel free to browse through it. I haven’t updated in awhile, but everything is still there.

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