Disassociation, Discipline, and Determination; A blogger's story of finally doing it her way.

Mom Blogging and the negative effects from it is escalating. It is becoming a popularity contest where those who participate in certain brand initiatives must step up to the plate to comply with other blogger’s expectations of them. For many bloggers, this causes a certain level of anxiety and despair which leads them to question their judgement.

It’s very high school where the “not-so-popular” girl is always trying to meet up to the expectations of the “popular” girls by kissing ass, altering their thought process, and defending things they don’t believe in just to belong within the social circles of Twitter and Facebook.

Let me ask you something.

Has anyone ever heard McDonald’s say at a press juncture that they make corporate decisions based on the thoughts of their competitor? NEVER! McDonalds has created an empire on their own merit, mission statement, and values.

Yes, there have been times where I have questioned online insinuations that, on occasion, has led me to throw in the towel. We all have those weak moments where we question our worth based on someone’s belief system. It is my fault though because if I didn’t immerse myself in it, it would have never been a second thought.

On the flip side, everyone DOES have a right to their own opinion. I think Twitter is a venue where opinions and thoughts should be shared to advocate for or against a particular issue. There is a way of presenting something in order to avoid insults. It is also a fact that many of these people are influencers who generate a lot of applause no matter how vulgar and crass they may be to another. With that said, I applaud your stance but I choose to ignore the ignorance and arrogance that goes along with it. Delete.

“Hail to the bra burners! Mine are too saggy. I’ll just block my ears and beat my drum.”

My own personal struggles with blogging and life

Recently, I’ve been put to a challenge. Quite possibly the greatest challenge of my life. What is it you ask? It’s called “Pay the Mortgage at the end of the month”. In over 18 years, I have never felt scarcity like I have in the past six months. Paying my mortgage feels like winning the playoffs each and every month.

I’m drained, depleted, but driven to earn money from any source, any where. That’s what a real entrepreneur and household leader has to do for their families. Therefore, I had to make choices on my social media activity, my blog, and my focus on my long-term goals.

Despite a dip in hours at my workplace, I do believe that it is my fault for putting my eggs in that one basket and spending my time focusing on my blog rather than a back-up plan. Therefore, I decided to turn off the noise online and it’s been amazing what I have learned.

Disassociation from Social Media and Groups

In the world of blogging, groups have been formed…and with those groups comes another group and another and another. If a blogger chooses, one can be on groups all day chatting it up, wasting time, and getting nothing out of it. In the past month:

I have knocked myself out of every group that I belong to that generates a lot of noise. It’s so easy to get immersed in conversation where three hours pass unknowingly.
I have minimized my time on Twitter and Facebook and deleted those who do not matter in the greater scheme of MY mission, vision, and values.
I have learned who my friends are. These relationships will last a lifetime (or the life span of being a blogger.)
I have created an editorial calendar and organized my mail to “what needs to be done to make money” and “fun stuff that makes nothing”.
I have also created an email marketing program which has generated clients to both my business and to my blog.

My focus has changed so much in the last 21 days that the “noise” of negative comments and “helpful” do’s and don’t tips” have become mute. My ability to speak freely without judgement or rules have also been minimized.

We are all in this together but separately

Anyone who knows me realizes that I am a compassionate person who is intolerable of bullying and gun slinging. I am a firm believer of keeping things real and respectable. Conversations that end in “I just sent you a DM” or “in the other group, so and so said this about the situation” never goes unnoticed.

So in celebration of my 21-day change over, I give you these final words of advice based on my own blogging experience and the current stress I’ve had to face.

You never know when money will disappear from your life. Your blog will always be an outlet to generate a few dollars. This is your foundation.
Be kind to those who you meet and respect each and every blogger. We all have our own reasons why we are doing what we’re doing. This is your door.
Do things your way. Create your mission, vision, and value statement. This is your frame.
Disassociate yourself from the noise of “what is best practice”. You could be the next top blogger by doing things your way. This is your window
Analyze every venue and group you belong to. Is it a time sucker? Is it benefiting your own mission, vision, and values for your blog? This is your attic.
Know your value. Time spent/money & product earned. How much are you really making an hour? Brands will evaluate your value and blog based on YOUR perception of what you are worth. This is your garden.
Always ask, whether it is blogger or brand related, is this a mutually beneficial arrangement? This is your neighbour.
One thing I learned this week. Never be fearful to check with the brand or PR Company even if someone else is leading the horse to cart. You’ll never know why you’re not on the “list” unless you ask. This is your business don’t miss an opportunity based on another blogger’s “best choice” referrals. This is your neighbourhood.
Never be afraid to try something new to earn money from your blog. The time spent visualizing what your blog can do for YOU, rather than listening to what works with everyone else can be worth its weight in gold. This is your addition
Say what you feel and make it meaningful. Everyone has a voice, don’t allow anyone muzzle yours. This is your legacy.

Right now, I’m standing all mad alone in the abyss of the blogesphere. Starting over more determined than ever to keep my eyes on the prize…my prize. I’ve come to recognize that I will never sit at the “popular girls” tables any time soon but I also realize that it really doesn’t matter. What matters is the relationships that I have created.

I’m always available to lend an ear, lend a shoulder, and lend a hand. My personality hasn’t changed, just my focus and time spent.

Note: This is one blogger’s take on a journey that started off as fun, where it quickly escalated into something that brought in minimal income into my household. These opinions are strictly my own.